Family forever! The main secret of a happy family life. Elena contemporates of a happy family ... From the experience of a family psychologist Secrets of the married

Eight secrets of family happiness and well-being

In the formula of family happiness, there are many terms ... it is simultaneously simple and complex .... But try to find her decision you need - in science, it is hardly the most important!

If you try to find something in common to all happy couples, then you can not do without such concepts as trust, a sense of responsibility, the feeling of inseparable communication, the general "we". Ask two loving what feelings they are in marriage, and those most likely will say that they simply do not imagine brit. Perhaps the spouses will not be able to determine exactly why they are good together. The world of human relations is so complicated and so rich in the nuances! Nevertheless, some secrets of married happiness can be formulated.

1. How to live without love?!

The main and basic condition of a solid marriage, its foundation is a sense of love, attraction to each other. Naturally, in prosperous families there are quarrels about the separation of home duties, raising children and relationships with parents. But at the same time, her husband and wife always feel that, despite temporary disagreements, they love and appreciate each other. There are, of course, exceptions when only one of the spouses carries this "cementing" marriage love. But then it should be so strong to compensate for the absence of such a feeling in another half. And often this is exactly the deep feeling capable over time to cause an equally strong response in the shower in the less generous on the emotions of the satellite of life.

Many spouses, complaining of dysfunctional life in marriage, forget or want to forget, deceiving themselves, that they never experienced love to each other, created a family, based on some other considerations. Well, they can also live all their lives under one roof, bring up children and grandchildren, but to be happy with them hardly succeed.

2. And you and the roads to me such

If you use the terminology of the exact sciences, the love is necessary, but still insufficient for a happy family life. Alas, there are many examples when the pairs originally connected by deep feelings in the end either diverged, or continued to exist as a habit. What is the reason? And then then the secrets of family happiness?

Here is one of them: the ability to take a loved one, what it is, - with advantages and disadvantages. Do not try to redo each other - it will not add joy to anyone. Especially since the shortcomings are a relative thing. And you should not navigate in your assessments on the opinion of others. In the affairs of family, it is better to trust only yourself and their half. Happy couples just distinguishes the ability to refute the generally accepted canons.

3. Trust, do not check

One of the important conditions of a happy marriage is openness and confidence in the relationship. This does not mean that it is necessary to complete penetration into the thoughts and feelings of each other - their "islands" should remain in the soul. But between close people should not be fear confessed in the intimate, fear of being incomprehensible. Confidence that you can post a wife or husband everything that worries you, and you will be heard as nothing else strengthens the relationship. Openness also assumes the opportunity and ability to freely show their feelings. In addition, happy spouses simply believe each other, without suffering suspicions that they will betray them in a difficult situation.

4. Together having fun and think

"Madness" of the first months gradually subsides, and you begin to return to normal life, with its problems and concerns. It's time to start some kind of joint business - to realize the dream of an apartment or something together to cook for dinner. The main thing is to enjoy the very communication. In the end, the "number" of family happiness directly depends on how interesting you are together.

It is important not only to do something together, but also make decisions together. This, firstly, helps to avoid mistakes, and secondly - allows to divide responsibility if something is nevertheless. In a prosperous marriage, her husband and wife will not make the blame on each other, but will try to cope with trouble.

The above does not exclude the need for each partner in marriage to have a personal space. They are truly together, but none of them absorbs the whole entirely, does not prevent their "I".

5. Scales you do not need

As a rule, wives spend more time and effort on household and raising children than husbands. And yet do not count how many times you soap are dishes today, and root a spouse.

This applies not only to home affairs, but also professional success. Loving spouses do not compete with each other and do not find out who is lucky. Everyone enjoys the success of another, ready to support and give advice. In a happy marriage there is a constant spiritual mutual enrichment.

6. Cut the dishes!

Quarrels and disagreements happen in any family. However, quarrel quarrels. If two begin to rush to each other not only with sudden words, but the fact that it will be in hand, you can almost certainly say that they will not have a silver wedding. In strong marriages, partners know how to constructively resolve conflict situations. They subconsciously feel when you need to stop, not allowing yourself to go down to insults. Very helps in family parties a sense of humor. When two lose the ability to laugh together, to translate into a joke, this is about the brewing conflict - this is a signal that something important has been left of their relationship.

And so, nevertheless, the beloved offended you. ... Speat to forgive. Happy those who have this ability.

7. Your family and parents

Oh, as great temptation at the slightest frictions in the family to run or call Momchka! But try not to succumb to him. Any crisis situations, major events and news it is better to first discuss with their half. Specialists are affected by how often the reason for the reason called the same thing: "He has (Her) in the first place has always been Mom."

Parents too actively interfere with your family? Mildly, but firmly declare your right to solve your problems. The concept of "we" in this case should be above all. In general, the fate of any marriage depends on the ability to build relationships with parents. In successful marriages, the spouses do not necessarily begin to love their parents or chosen, they take them, without putting each other in the "scissors" - when the partner is forced to choose one of two people very close to him.

8. My Bunny! "

What kind of gentle words and nicknames are not able to invent a loving person! Babe, hare (bunny), pussy (cat), laptop, baby - from the side like "children's bow" may seem too well. But psychologists argue that he testifies to the healthy relationship of spouses. Do not consider this language ridiculous and naive. He transfers us to childhood, where we were happy. And in our crazy adult life, such an atavism allows you to feel like a childish unprotected and necessary for a person.

And also give each other more often gifts and do something pleasant. Let the family be understandable and known only to you by two rituals. They are like signal check boxes: I remember you, I love you, I want to deliver joy to you. In happy marriages, such attention continues not only in the first year of marriage, but also in all subsequent.

Advice thirsty happiness spouses

Take a husband as it is, do not reproduce it for yourself.
Leave him a space for myself, you should not fill it with everything - he will simply have nothing to breathe.
Trust your spouse.
Head to forgive.
Be open and sincere.
Enrich each other.
Make criticism constructive.
Take it my parents (be grateful to them, because if they were not, you would not have a husband).
Do something and think together, take joint solutions.
Support each other.
Remember that the family is the place where heat, cozy and wherever you want to come back.

How to make a happy family - this question becomes in front of many spouses in the process of finding family harmony. Family is a cell of social society. People who marry must be aware of the seriousness of their intentions. What is life in a happy family? Find answers to these questions we will try in this article.

Happy family - purpose in the life of many people

Family is the warmth and comfort of the hearth, which heats in everyday life. You can become truly happy if you find people with whom it is nice to divide positive emotions.

People meet, fall in love and decide to live together. But you need to treat relationships seriously, so as not to destroy everything in a moment. In a happy family, people understand each other with a half-clow, and also do not refuse a joint pastime.

What is a strong happy family

In fact, the attitude that is considered happy, everyone understands in different ways. For someone, this is love, for someone money, and for someone - many children. Unfortunately, some spouses see happiness in free relationships.

Family comfort, good and love - what could be more expensive

It is impossible to say unequivocally, which is happiness. But the strong family should stand for each other. All her members are cooled and friendly. There is no quarrels and conflicts in a strong family. People try to spend all their free time together, which makes their relationship with warm and friendly.

Rules of happy families

If you do not know how to create a happy family, take into account some important rules. Thanks to ordinary tips, you can enjoy harmony and comfort in the house:

• chat more - it is impossible to make a relation to strong without constant communication. Going in the evenings at the table to drink tea and discuss how your day went. Integet to the affairs of your children, ask your spouse how a working day went, share your experiences;
• the law of compliance - you must carefully take the choice of your second half. Love will not order, but your interests and life looks should coincide. If you find that your characters do not coincide, learn how to humble. Only in this case, conflicts and quarrels can be avoided;
• development - If you think how to build a happy family, do not forget to constantly develop. Do not sit at home after the birth of a child or clogged in yourself against a strong stress. Remember that a person must be self-improvement. You can find new faces for entertainment, as well as talk about serious topics, understanding each other.

It should be understood that relations are the work and work of its participants.

Secrets of happy family

There are certain secrets that will allow you to make your family happy. They are so simple and affordable that you will not come across problems:

1. show your love without hiding your true feelings;
2. sit down to lunch or dinner with the whole family, if there is such an opportunity;
3. create your own family traditions that will allow you to become friendly and cohesive;
4. take guests to expand the circle of communication and your interests;
5. domestic things together to feel the support and help of loved ones;
6. tell children about the history of creating your family;
7. get a pet that will develop responsibility and care in all family members;
8. respect your loved ones, because they are personalities;
9. be punctual to be close to feel their significance;
10. always take care of those who surround you, because this is the first sign of happiness.

Only a complete understanding of the feelings and desires of partners will create harmony

These are the main secrets of a happy family that will help you achieve the desired result. You can enjoy harmony, which gives the feeling of comfort.

How to create a happy marriage

Understanding is a strong base of happy relationships.

If you are looking for an answer to the question of how to create a happy marriage, then it is worth remembering that everything comes with time. A truly happy family becomes after a while.

So that everyone felt comfortable and cozy, learn to show your care. Show members to all relatives, how much you love them. In any situation, support them so that they feel necessary.

It should be taken into account that the concept of happiness in women and men is different

Spend your free time together. On the weekend, choose the city or enjoy your favorite games at home. It strengthens relationships, allowing each person to feel beloved.

How to make a husband happy in marriage

If you do not know how to make a husband happy in marriage, take into account some tips. They will help to enjoy the good mood of the spouse:

• the woman should be devoteed and faithful, because the treason can forever turn a good attitude towards you;
• learn to be a good mistress, because homemade comfort creates a woman;
• surprise the spouse with delicious dishes, even if they are cooked from simple ingredients;
• maintain order in the house, because Bardak can ruin even the most wonderful mood;
• if the spouse came tired or upset from work, listen to it and support what you can;
• try to get up in the morning early to make a delicious breakfast for her husband;
• follow your appearance even at home, because to appear in front of the spouse in a lean dressing robe and shabby slippers unacceptable;
• try to keep track of your weight, because life after marriage is relaxing many women;
• never scold and do not discuss your husband for eyes, even with your best friends;
• try to get rid of bad habits, because a man wants to see a real woman next to him.

To follow these advice is extremely simple, in which you can make sure. As a result, your feelings will be strong, so the spouse will never go to the side. "

How to make a woman happy in marriage

In fact, the answer to the question of how to make a woman happy in marriage is quite simple. Here is the key to the happiness of your spouse:

1. constantly tell her how you love her;
2. a man must prove love by making a pleasant surprise for a woman;
3. learn not only to speak, but also listen, because it is very important for a woman;
4. take into account the psychology of a weak floor representative, because it is very worried when you leave. Try to inform where and how much you go;
5. do not decide for a woman absolutely all problems, because sometimes she wants to be independent;
6. become a worthy man for her, fencing from uncertainty in tomorrow;
7. speak a woman compliments to make sure that he is the only and unique for you.

These are the rules of happy families where everyone respect and appreciate each other. It all depends on how attentive you will be to your second half.

What prevents how to create a strong and friendly family

Some people are very trying, but they cannot reach harmony in relationships. This is affected by many mistakes that do not give to achieve the desired result.

Never limit the freedom of your second half. You should not check mail, read messages in the phone and prohibit meet friends. Sooner or later, such restrictions will derive themselves, which will lead to serious sweeps.

Do not ignore the interests of your loved one. This is the main secret of strong relationships. If the spouse on TV is an important football match, do not insist that he switches to your favorite TV series. This is a sign that you do not respect his hobbies. So why should he go towards you in the future?

No need to discuss your spouse or spouse in the company of your friends. Remember that with this person you live under the same roof, so you must have respect for it. Also do not forget that even the best friends may turn out to be traitors. All you talked about your beloved man can reach the ears of the second half.

Permanent jealousy also prevents the creation of a strong family. Paranoia will sooner or later lead to deposits. Do not bring your loved one with unreasonable suspicions that will drive anyone!

These are the basic rules that will help to understand how to make marriage happy and long without unnecessary problems. You can save your relationship with the second half for a long time. Enjoy family harmony and warm communication, since every new day will bring you a maximum of pleasant emotions!

What secrets of family happiness exist and how to use it right? Each of us wants to create a happy family, acting according to its definite plan.

What is the secret of family happiness?

For example, one person believes that the cloudless family life needs a chic mansion, a villa on the seashore, yacht, a nine-digit account in the bank. And over time, his dream is embodied in reality, it seems to be happy, and the joy does not feel, on the contrary, sadness takes.

Another person thinks that for the well-being of a family life, he needs a spouse with certain qualities, and so, he meets a person with completely different qualities, not as he intended, but they are happy. They have complete idyll and happiness, and all because we cannot imagine what we actually feel.

A large number of people tried to understand what the secret of family happiness is, but every marriage is their own. There is a small list of simple, "brought" banalities that we will try to reveal.

Reveal secrets

So, the first secret of love and happiness in the family is that a person who marries must be present to create a full-fledged, happy family. Happiness is not easy, it often escapes from us, it is necessary to maintain constantly. The main thing in marriage is and harmony, making, every day, a bit of a bit happier. And this is not banal words - this is our life!

The next secret is to understand why you, in general, have created a family and whether you need family relationships in general. Many will immediately answer to build a house, raise children, even for the sake of intimate relationships. But all this can be done outside the marriage. The family is created in order not to be alone.

Every day we are twist as a squirrel in the wheel. In such a life rhythm, we need support and a support that we find in our spouse. It should be thought that life would not seem monotonous.

Everyone knows that the creation of a good, full-fledged family is a job. Our next secret is that it is necessary to work first above yourself. It should be struggling with your bad habits, for your half we have to get better and better. But you need to do it from the soul. And always be present.

The fourth secret about what needs to be constantly communicated. It is not easy to talk to common topics, discussing, some domestic affairs or work, and say that you do not like in various situations, find compromises, decide how you will come in the future.

In general, sitting at the negotiating table, if you went to a dead end, in some family problem. In a happy marriage, loving partners will always be able to find understandable only to them.

This set of secrets of family happiness has long been known to everyone, but not everyone knows how to use them right. Think and digest everything above said in your head so that happiness does not cost you side.

Good luck and good mood! Be happy!

© Elena Croonchuk, 2018

© Alexander COVONCHUK, 2018

ISBN 978-5-4490-3983-5

Created in the Intellectual Publishing System Ridero

According to statistics, approximately half of the marriages are disintegrated. Approximately half of them could be saved, making relationships. Why did the spouses did not and allow themselves to pass the point of no return? How to avoid this? What if the relationship has become worse? How to create and save marriage? This is our book in which we share secrets not only to preserve the married relationship, but also how to make a happy family.

The authors of the book - Elena and Alexander Convonchuk, spouse with a 33-year experience of happy family life, psychology-psychotherapists, neuropsychologists, family and personal psychologists with 27 years of experience of professional experience, founders of the psychological studio "Growth" St. Petersburg. During this time we helped save about 120 families ...

Illustrations to some chapters are fragments of real consultations on family issues with which we worked (with customer permits).

This paper edition is complemented and recycled.

Family life can be happy? Can!

So that the relationships are happy, in them, first of all, not only one of the partners should be interested, and both!

The sense of loss can lead to the search for someone who is ready to accept all responsibility for your life, just to reduce tension. But before doing this, imagine on a second, you put on the collar of your beloved pet, and give a leash to someone else, but where he will behave, you do not have the slightest concept. Are you so comfortable?

In relations there is no place of confusion and powerlessness. If one of the partners feels it, then these relationships really do not exist. The whole essence of the relationship is freedom.

Happy relationshipbuild on a solid foundation of free will and joint efforts. The most important journey in life for each of us is that during which we encounter your person. And these relationships bring us personal development and happiness.

You can get much more from the relationship if you build them together, and not try to control them all the time. In fact, this is a circulation. The strength of the relationship directly depends on the strengths of each of the partners, and these strengths in turn depend on the quality of relations.

In our mentality, based on fantasies and fairy tales of romantic love, it is assumed that one day you will meet the "my only one" or "your only one," and immediately get rid of suffering and longing, and in return to get the state of eternal unity and bliss. It's so easier to consider that this mission is exclusively your partner, - to do you happy man!

In fact, harmonious relationships can bring you happiness, but fill out the feeling of emptiness in your heart, is not the task of your partner. This is directly yours and only your task, and until you take on all responsibility for this emptiness, pain, longing inside you, problems will inevitably be present in your relationship.

Only you are able to make yourself happy and anyone else is unable. And now you must create your own happiness before sharing them with someone else.

Remember that love for people begins with love for yourself! Never let yourself completely dissolve in another person like sugar in a cup of tea! Otherwise, to love? You are not! Always keep your borders!

When all your actions and thoughts rotate around another person, you neglect our own interests, and this leads to dependence.

The problem is that the development of this dependence generates a feeling of resentment from the fact that the partner does not meet reciprocity ... Why? After all, he feels "king on the throne"?

Jim Ron, a famous American entrepreneur, once said: "The biggest gift you can do someone is your own perfection as a person. Sometime I said: "If you are attentive to me - I will be attentive to you. Now I say so: "I will be attentive to my sake, if you are attentive to yourself for me."

You do not need to look for an ideal partner, who created your imagination, and try your template to see a real partner: "Suitable - not suitable?" Remember, you will never find this because it simply does not happen ... We are all people, "woven" from the advantages and disadvantages, we are all not perfect, and you too ...

We love and appreciate people not because they are perfect, often they are completely far from ideal. In fact, the less you expect from a person who love, the happier will be your relationship.

No one in your life will act as you expect from him. They are not you, "they will not be able to love so much, so to surrender and so to understand you, as you do ourselves.

The biggest disappointment in life and in relationships is unjustified expectations. Remember the winged expression: "In order not to be disappointed, you do not need to charm."

People tend to improve and strive for the ideal, but it is almost impossible to achieve it ... you just need to strive for the fact that the relationships brought joy, even if not even perfect!

Each of us is not insured against errors. No one boasts, looking at his life path that he did not make a single mistake on this path ... In addition, we need mistakes for experience. Making them, we understand that it is better for us, worse.

Based on this, you need to give yourself a chance to correct errors, rather than chopping, breaking the relationship ...

But if I have forgiven, then do not try, do not push the nose, making pain again and again ...

When your partner continues to blame you for past mistakes, it is a sign of a non-harmonic relationship. If both partners come in this way, then this turns into a hopeless struggle, which will show who of you more diluted over these years.

When you spend a person for his past mistakes to confirm its present righteousness, it leads to a hopeless situation. You are not only deceiving reality. Remembering the mistakes of the past, you manipulate another person.

If this situation continues for a long time, both partners will ultimately spend their entire energy to prove their innocence, instead of solving today's problem.

When you choose a person with whom you plan to build relationships, you thus take it with previous errors. If you do not put up with his mistakes, then, in the end, the relationship with this person will not work. If something worries you from the past of your partner, you should learn to perceive it normally. Past remains in the past ...

One of the most frequent goals of family psychotherapy is the restoration of confidence relations between the spouses ...

Trust is the basis of the correct relationship, and when trust is undermined, it is very difficult to return. Often, people say: "I did not tell him anything, but did not lie ..." This statement contradictory itself. You not only did not lie, but did not tell the truth, they hid it, then do not trust your partner.

Remember, a person who speaks the whole truth (even bitter) to you in the face, is always better than a friend or a loved one who constantly lies to you. It is worth paying attention not only to the words of people, but also on their actions, correlating them with each other.

If you caught your spouse on a lies, then it's time to talk perfoching. And it is not necessary to start such a conversation from reproaches and stors, but from the "magical" words: "I understand you ...". For example, "I understand you, it was difficult for you to tell me the truth, you were afraid that I would not understand you, I would condemn ..." So you give a man a credit loan, show that you are not tuned to war, but on a friendly conversation ...

Often, in a pair you can find an aggressive behavior that takes a lot of forms, but, as a rule, it is divided into verbal aggression (cry, tapping, mate words, etc.) and non-verbal (fights, skating, etc.).

What contributes to the accumulation of aggressive energy, which is so "strained" on loved ones? As a rule, it is either aggression to the address of the aggressor, to which he cannot respond the same (head at work, parents, etc.), or a frusted need for something ...

Instead of opening his feelings, some people discharge their aggressive tension on loved ones. But it would be much better to talk to a close person that you are saddened.

And if you can not talk about what bothers you, then this is clearly a sign of a non-harmonic relationship. This suggests that you cannot openly communicate with each other. There is no reason to be aggressive, if you feel that you can safely talk about things that you worry, being sure that you will not be coordinated for your thoughts.

In happy relationship you always openly share feelings and desires. Let us clearly understand that another person is not responsible for your ideas and views, but, nevertheless, you are happy to feel his support. If you care about each other, we will provide this support to each other, or come to a compromise.

Emotional blackmail, which is used in some pairs, can significantly worsen the relationship. This is when for any objection or refusal to fulfill the request (and then the order) your partner says: "So you don't love me!" Or "If you love me (a), I would have done it (a) ..." And you have to change your behavior against your will, as a result of emotional blackmail. As a result, irritation and discontent with themselves and relationships ...

The decision, as in the case of aggression, is to communicate. There should be no slightest pressure, only open communication. It is very important for both partners in the relationship to understand that negative thoughts and feelings can always be quietly discussed with each other. There are, of course, another option. Just put up with this until one day you do not explode and do not express everything.

Remember that it is sometimes quite normal to get caught about that you care about how okay when you don't like something in this person. We are all with you not perfect creation. Someone can love you very much, but it can not arrange something in you. Partners who can communicate and criticize each other without condemnation and emotional blackmail, ultimately only benefit.

Without paying enough relationships, people make a huge mistake, which leads to a deterioration in relationships. Most often, we realize this error only when everything starts to collapse. In fact, relationships like a living being, they also need to be given the time that they can continue their existence and prosperity. It is easy to allow everything in life to go as a woman, especially when you have a husband (wife), children, work. But the relationship can be compared with a room flower: if it does not pour it a few times, it will start. So in relationships, you will not find time for each other - they will begin to deteriorate ...

Try every week to find time to spend it only with those who you love, and who loves you, and at least a few minutes of communication every day ...

There is nothing more valuable in a relationship than your sincere attention is your full presence even when you are at a distance of each other ...

– Even if your spouse (a) does not suit you in something, he came to your life not by chance. So it is for something to you for something. For what? This question requires separate consideration.

– If you want to get something from the spouse, first let it yourself. This applies to love, tenderness, kindness, care ... If it does not return, talk with your beloved, why? And, if it turns out that he does not apply to you as you are to him (alas, and it happens), then make a decision whether it is necessary for you ...

– Never impose yourself to another person, demanding more attention than it can give. He gives him so much as he can and wants, the requirement to give more he perceives as pressure and violence. And you get the opposite effect!

– Sometimes you can hear the erroneous statement that people do not change. On the contrary, people change all their life: first grow, then "bloom", for some time "bloom", and then fade. Of course, here we are talking about physiology, but the body, soul and mind in humans are associated together, so physiological changes lead a mental. In addition, people are constantly engaged in self-development, their opinion on this or that object of reality may vary 180 degrees ...

– It is necessary to remember and adequately perceive that love is transformed over time. It can not be always the same as a person. It can be compared with the fire: the stronger it burns into the candidate-bought period, the faster it goes. Therefore, it is better to throw up the firewood on this fire in time, not letting him get out at all than run it, and then try to dilute the new fire on the other side. After all, that new fire will also go out once with this approach ... What kind of roads will be "drill", each couple can come up with: maybe an unexpected gift, some kind of surprise, a romantic dinner with candlelight, unusual sex and t d.

– A very important ability for happiness in marriage is the ability to forgive. It must be allowed that another person is also imperfect, as we ourselves. Therefore, he can make mistakes. And you need to give him a chance to correct these errors, as well as yourself.

– Never try to change another person. The only person on the ground we can change is just me. Another may change, but only in his own will, not yours! Take it as it is, with all its advantages and disadvantages. And then your family happiness will last for many years of living!