What does it mean to love a person. To love truly What does it mean to love a man and love a person
Often love is presented as a strong emotional attraction and heartfelt feeling. However, not everyone fully understands what it means to truly love. Even in their youth, boys and girls at the subconscious level form the image of an ideal second half. Here, not only personal characteristics play a role, but also social attitudes to which a person is exposed throughout his life. However, ideals do not exist, so love is always directed to a real object with all its advantages and disadvantages. To love means to accept a partner as he is, and skillfully resolve conflict situations.
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- combines intelligence and beauty;
- skillfully hides his shortcomings and favorably emphasizes his merits;
- does not allow conflict situations and gives a man the opportunity to feel like the head of the family;
- in no hurry to show himself smart and wise in front of his spouse and other people.
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Definition and signs of love
The feeling of love is familiar to everyone. It can visit both a young girl and a lady of Balzac age. On the one hand, everyone knows about such a feeling as love, but on the other hand, it is incomprehensible to anyone. Often love is defined as a very bright feeling, thanks to which a person can “grow wings”. If two people are in love with each other, then usually between them there are friendships, affection and sexual attraction.
If the lover is not reciprocated, then this causes strong feelings. And if the chosen one is carried away by someone else, then the girl has resentment, anger and other negative emotions. But people often do not understand what it means to truly love a person, because love can take many forms.
Love and chemistry
Scientists tried to find out what happens in the body of a lover from a scientific point of view. The results were as follows: when a person looks at his beloved, his heart rate increases, because the brain begins to produce dopamine. Together with other hormones, it contributes to a special perception of the world during experiences.
Since the balance of metabolism is maintained in the human body, it independently regulates life support processes. Therefore, dopamine cannot be produced for many years, it only happens for a certain time. If this hormone is formed constantly, then it will have a detrimental effect on the psyche. Not all lovers were happy with this discovery.
Social Attitudes
There is no single definition of what it means to love and be loved. Everyone will answer this question in their own way. After all, for the answers to be the same, people need to get the same upbringing, experience similar emotions, feel, which is completely impossible. If this were so, the person would turn into a robot and lose his individuality. People live, not exist, as long as they can feel. This means that a person begins to realize tenderness, affection and sympathy from infancy. Emotions and spiritual qualities are formed under the influence of life circumstances and contribute to the formation of personality.
Education and religion instill some concepts of love, but people still perceive them in their own way. One young lady may believe that a guy in love with her is obliged to give her gifts every day. After all, she is sure that this is the only way a young man can positively express himself in a relationship. Another girl will be happy from the compliments and kisses of the chosen one.
The same applies to men. If a guy was brought up only by his mother, then he will expect special care from the girl in any situation and assume that the girl loves him if she cooks different dishes every day, irons his clothes and constantly admires him.
Work on oneself and signs of fate
If a guy or a girl initially creates in their imagination a portrait of their soulmate and characterizes it with valuable qualities, then the subconscious will attract such a partner. When the meeting happens, a surge of vivid emotions will occur between the couple. And strong feelings will guide both until they get to know each other better. If they are incompatible, then mutual discontent awaits them.
These relationships will not last long, and in the event of a break, both the girl and the guy will suffer. This will happen for the reason that the lovers initially idealized each other. But since there are no ideals in reality, you will have to pay for the broken illusions with peace of mind.
But there are also couples who live well together from the day of the wedding until old age. This is the result of working on themselves, because they have learned to make mutual concessions and solve family problems together.
What is feminine wisdom?
From the very beginning of a relationship, two must learn to love. After all, the pleasure of falling in love will pass, and the real world will remain with its everyday tasks and pressing problems. A strong family will turn out if the wife and husband have a clear understanding of what loving spouses are.
The ideal wife is the woman whose virtues her husband can boast to others. Such a girl:
If a woman loves her husband, then she will not allow the fire of the family hearth to be extinguished. For such a rather rare skill, spouses value and honor their wives all their lives.
What does "love in French" mean?
There is an opinion that the French are liberated in intimate relationships. Therefore, in French, love is considered to receive various sexual pleasures without any complexes.
The word "love" is often used by people. It is pronounced everywhere: “I love the sea”, “I love walking in the forest”, “I love apples”. But if you ask a person the question “what does it mean to love?”, then rarely will anyone give a clear and precise answer. Let's try to find out what this feeling really is.
What is love not?
There are many meanings of love, but not all of them are fair. People are often mistaken, mistaking for love feelings that have nothing to do with it. There are many common misconceptions, here are the main ones:
In addition, love does not imply constant spending time together. It is necessary to be apart from time to time. This does not mean that the feeling has faded. Being together all the time, people lose the opportunity to look at their loved one with different eyes, to bring something new into the relationship. Meeting friends and short trips without a “second half” will only enrich love.
Get rid of misconceptions about love that only hinder the development of this wonderful feeling.
What does it mean to love?
It is impossible to define what it means to love in one phrase. The state of love includes many components. The right relationship, connected by love, necessarily includes specific definitions. So love means...
Sincere love is a gift that requires nothing in return. Love is paradoxical. After all, becoming one, each of the lovers remains an individual. Love does not tolerate complete control. Turning into everyday life, this feeling can die. Do not follow the path of predictability, surprise your loved ones, and then true love will not lose passion and sensuality.
Many couples are happily married and enjoy their feeling. However, why do some people have the question: "What is more important - to love or to be loved?" Why should a person make such a choice? Is it possible to be happy in such a situation?
What does it mean to love?
Love is the highest feeling inherent in a person and expressed in deep affection and sympathy for someone. In philosophy, it is seen as a subjective attitude to the object of adoration.
It is important to understand what the word “love” means, and also to be able to distinguish it from being in love. The latter, as a rule, is accompanied by a storm of emotions and passions, but is not long-term. Only if the relationship becomes serious and tested by time, we can talk about love.
Each person has his own view of the world, special values and ideals. Accordingly, the answer to the question “what does it mean to love and how should it manifest itself” is also individual for everyone. There are no uniform norms and criteria for this feeling. What is completely unacceptable in a relationship for one person is the norm for another.
Love and happiness
Each person has their own idea of happiness. Someone believes that it is a huge amount of money, for someone it is an interesting job, someone sees it as an opportunity to travel. However, most people associate happiness with love. Only she gives us extraordinary, unlike anything, emotions that we so want to experience again and again.
Experiencing a separation or divorce, people experience such a strong shock that sometimes they do not want to continue to live. It seems to them that happiness has left their home forever. Someone tries to forget as soon as possible and fall in love again, while some never manage to recover after separation.
Desire to be loved
Every person has a natural desire to be loved. From birth, a child needs maternal affection and care. Then, growing up, young people seek to find their soul mate. There is no girl who would never dream of being loved and happy.
Everyone likes compliments, gifts, care from the opposite sex. Even if a person does not experience reciprocal feelings, it is quite pleasant to realize that someone loves you. It fuels self-esteem. Knowing that someone in this world loves you and needs you is wonderful.
The human need to love
No less important is the need for a person to experience the most radiant feelings towards someone. In youth, boys and girls are open to love and are just waiting for someone to bring it down on. That is why it is so easy for young people to find their ideal and dissolve in it.
There is nothing more beautiful than the feeling of being in love. At the same time, time seems to stop, and life takes on a new meaning. Lovers look forward to each new meeting with each other, and thoughts constantly take them to the object of adoration. Even if feelings are unrequited, they bring not only suffering. If a person is able to fall in love at least once in his life, he knows what real happiness is.
Reasons why people refuse to love
The need to both love and be loved is inherent in man by nature. What causes some people to fail to find mutual feelings? Why do they wonder what is more important - to love or to be loved?
As a rule, failures and problems with previous partners can lead to the fact that a person wants to close himself off from love forever. Some people completely refuse any relationship, temporarily or permanently doom themselves to loneliness. Others decide that it is still necessary to have a family, but at the same time they are afraid to love someone again and do not want to. In this situation, they come to the fact that they need to look for a partner who would love them. At the same time, they themselves do not want to experience any feelings, they want to be indifferent.
Another reason to allow yourself to be loved is calculation. Very often, girls marry a wealthy man, not experiencing any feelings for him, and sometimes even hating him. In some situations, hopelessness pushes such an act. For example, a woman left with a small child in her arms without a livelihood is forced to take advantage of the patronage of a rich gentleman, if possible. By the way, there are also men who do not mind living at the expense of a lady. The prospect of a secure and carefree life for such people is put above feelings.
Love without reciprocity
Sometimes a person decides that the main thing for him is to love himself, no matter what. The coldness and indifference of the partner are not taken into account. Such a person experiences such strong feelings that he cannot imagine his life without an object of adoration and is ready to be with him on any terms.
It is not uncommon to encounter a situation where a wife is madly in love with her husband. She turns a blind eye to his betrayals, tries to please him in everything, takes care of her appearance, cooks well, but she cannot get reciprocity from her husband. As a rule, such a woman understands that all her actions will not lead to anything, but she still does not decide on a divorce. She cannot imagine herself without a husband, she believes that it is better to live like this than to break off relations forever.
In marriages where a man is much older than his wife, reciprocity of feelings is also very often absent. An elderly man understands that a young girl does not love him and lives with him because of the money, but agrees to such a relationship. There are several reasons for this. Firstly, he is pleased to appear with such a companion in public. The envy of friends and acquaintances warms him. Secondly, he is well aware that he will not succeed in finding the same young girl who would sincerely love him, and therefore initially does not count on reciprocal feelings.
Self esteem and love
It's no secret that self-esteem and love are closely related. They have a huge influence on each other and are constantly in close dependence.
When a person hears from someone the phrase: “I love you”, regardless of whether he experiences reciprocity or not, his self-esteem immediately rises. If you are constantly the object of attention of the opposite sex, you feel confident in yourself and feel attractive and desirable. In turn, this attracts the admiring glances of others to you even more.
Relationship failures can have a negative impact on self-esteem. It is aggravated at times if the partner kept repeating every day that you will never find anyone better than him, constantly pointed out your shortcomings and criticized all your actions. All this leads to the fact that self-esteem drops so much that you completely cease to consider yourself worthy of being with your loved one and building normal relationships.
One thing must be remembered: in order for someone to love you, you must first of all have respect for yourself and not lose your dignity. Relationships in which you are humiliated and offended should be terminated as soon as possible. With adequate self-esteem, you will definitely meet someone with whom you will be happy. And you will certainly learn how to be the most loved.
If only one loves...
It would seem that there should be fewer problems in a union in which one loves, and the second only allows himself to be loved, than in an ordinary couple. The one who experiences this feeling himself enjoys intimacy with a partner, rejoices in every moment spent together. The one who allows himself to be loved is not jealous, does not worry, does not require undue attention, does not roll up scandals, if, for example, the spouse did not pick up the phone or was late at work. However, in such an alliance there are more problems than usual. And it's hard for both partners to be happy.
Without experiencing any feelings for a spouse and living side by side with him every day, a person begins to get angry and break down because of every little thing. He is annoyed by absolutely everything that the partner does or says, even if he tries to please everything. A person seeks to spend as much time as possible outside the home, to ignore a spouse, to look for an outlet on the side.
The one who sincerely loves a partner cannot face constant indifference on his part. Even if at first a person agrees to any conditions, later he will more and more lack reciprocal feelings. He increasingly begins to think about what is more important - to love or be loved. It is likely that someday his patience will come to an end, and he will decide to build relationships based on reciprocity.
Is it possible to live without love?
Sometimes, having experienced terrible disappointment on the love front, people decide for themselves that there will be no more relationships in their lives. They do not think what is more important - to love or be loved, but simply put an end to their personal lives.
Most often, such people go headlong into work, devote themselves to children, try to find some kind of hobby. They reject all kinds of attentions, refuse dates and behave coldly with members of the opposite sex. As a rule, women do not let men near them at all. Representatives of the stronger sex behave differently. Men decide for themselves that they will never say the phrase "I love you." They most often allow easy, non-committal relationships, but immediately stop them as soon as they feel pressure from the partner.
Is it possible to live without love? Probably yes, and many succeed. The only question is, are these people happy...
As long as we wait for a partner to solve our problems, fulfill our desires, fill the inner void and generally give meaning to our whole life, true love will remain for us ... inaccessible.
He (she) is it? Why is it so hard to meet your soul mate? How to understand that this is really love? And do they really love me? .. Our whole life with dreams of great love is built around such questions. They worry us, and we tirelessly ask them to ourselves, and sometimes to our partners. In the age of consumerism, when romance in flowers and chocolate hearts is sold every year on February 14 and March 8, and sex is increasingly being run by glossy magazines and intimate goods sellers, love is also becoming a consumer product. In a society where quick results without effort, win-win recipes and guarantees against any risks are quoted, we also unwittingly build our love into the format of instant profitability:“You disappoint me - we are less attracted to each other - that's it, it's time to leave!”
We want it hotter
“When the first love subsides and the relationship becomes smoother, many couples really break up,” confirms family psychotherapist Inna Khamitova. - Many men and women are sure that to truly love means to be completely in the flow of passion.. The pursuit of strong emotions is preferable to harmony, balance in relationships, the desire to get to know the world of your chosen one better. Some may even have an idea of love as a kind of addiction, in terms of strength akin to a drug.
The thirst for continuous search is also fed by the Internet. “Thousands of new people come to meet every day,” boasts an advertisement for one of the popular dating sites. “And this means that there will always be a reason for a new meeting!” The ability to quickly browse, unlimited casting of candidates creates the illusion that we will certainly find what failed this time. “Dating on the Internet is a part of modern life, and in a certain sense they help out a modern person,” says psychotherapist Alexander Orlov. - On the other hand, they form in us a consumer attitude towards love: as if we are in a supermarket, where there is also a department of various partners ... Our communication becomes more intense, the process of acquaintance accelerates. The number of potential contacts is growing, but at the same time they are becoming more brief, ephemeral.”
Ideal is hard to give up.
The image of a handsome prince or a fairy-tale princess seems to still live in our dreams, without being embarrassed by everyday reality. “It is necessary to give up the ideal, almost incorporeal image of your partner in time, otherwise you can fall into the trap of your own delusions,” Inna Khamitova is sure. - When a life together begins, many can not stand the meeting with a real person. There are details that cannot be overlooked, but the ideal image of a beloved makes it difficult to recognize that he is the same person as we are, and we may not like everything about him". But how is that not all? After all, we dream of great, endless and unconditional love! “But only God can love like this,” those who have chosen the spiritual path say, moving away from the world behind the monastery walls. So how to combine the love of a man and a woman with such an unattainable height?And those who are looking for a couple, and those who have been together for a long time - we all want true love: it seems to us the last chance to fully feel ourselves, to give meaning to our lives. “The view of love has changed a lot since the old days,” notes psychoanalyst Umberto Galimberti. - It seems that it has become the only area of life in which we can be ourselves, freeing ourselves from other roles that society has loaded us with.».
Desperately, as never before, we place our hopes on love: that it will give everything that we lack, awaken a taste for life and certainly lead to happiness. But are we ready to make sacrifices for this goal? " The space of love is the only one in which our "I" is not bound by rules and can unfold freely, continues Umberto Galimberti. - Therefore, love contributes to the aggravation of our individualism. Today, men and women are looking for in it not so much a relationship with another, but the opportunity to realize their "I". So it turns out that in order to realize ourselves, we need to love - and at the same time, loving is more difficult than ever. Since today we are looking for love through another person, indirectly, our own "I".
However, the desire for self-realization only for its own sake is contrary to the nature of true love: being born between two people, it changes both. Partners in their entirety are revealed not only for themselves, but also for each other. The meeting of two gives birth to a third, new character - their union, and this must be reckoned with. True love requires our patience, perseverance, a clear mind and the ability to accept things as they are. True love is an effort, our wager with life itself. And this love always returns a hundredfold what we have invested in it.
True love means...
American family therapist Harvill Hendricks, in his book How to Get the Love You Want, described ten important steps to advance on the path of true love.…understand that there is a hidden purpose in our love relationships: to heal those spiritual wounds that each of the two of us carries in the soul from childhood.
...try to see a real person in a partner freed from their own illusions and unjustified expectations.
...love him unconditionally.
...caring for our relationship to improve them day by day.
...understand that the desires and needs of others just as important as our own.
...trust your partner by giving up the destructive habit of being unhappy.
...learn to see the dark side of your soul in order not to project them onto another, not to blame him for what we do not like about ourselves.
...seek strength and opportunity which we lack without expecting another to fill them.
...talk about your needs and wishes of a partner.
...understand and accept that true love is hard.
Why is love blind ?
Alfried Längle, MD, PhD, President of the International Society for Existential Analysis and Logotherapy (GLE-International).
Love is the rest of heaven on earth. Lovers have no problems, all the forces of the world are in their hands, they do not need sleep or food. But true love is different, it is seeing, it sees the human being. Love, they say, blinds. Why? In love, I see a person the way I want to see himb. I still know him so little that I fill everything with my desires.mi. Thus, I am always in love with my own performance. And that is what makes falling in love a heavenly experience, because in my mind there are no dark sides. In the other, we see his charm, attractiveness, eroticism. And on these carnations we hang our ideas about him.
About it:
- Carl Rogers"Marriage and its alternatives", Eterna, 2006.
- Erich Fromm"The Art of Loving", Azbuka-klassika, 2008.
- Allan and Barbara Pease"Why do men want sex, and women want love", Eksmo, 2009.
Love is the most important feeling on Earth. All life in the Universe begins with it and continues to exist thanks to this feeling. It has always been so. And at the same time, man has always been looking for an exact definition of what it means to love? Who is a loving person and how should he behave? What evidence of love is there? How to understand that you are loved? We will try to give at least an approximate answer to these questions.
What does it mean to love a person?
At all times, a person needed constant proof that he was loved and needed by someone. As a result, many signs and immutable truths appeared, the presence of which indicates that a person loves or is loved. Many of these truths have remained unchanged for many centuries. Here is an example of just a few of them:
- To love means to forgive. Any person has the right to make a mistake. And no one is able to find so many excuses for the guilty as the one who loves him. This is one of the great virtues - love sees no evil.
- To love means to stop comparing. A real feeling can only be for one person. If in a relationship one of the partners compares the other with those who he had before, then the sincerity of his feelings will have to be doubted.
- Falling in love doesn't mean loving. We are talking about the feeling of falling in love - short-lived, passionate and blind. This feeling is not true love. If the first platonic attachment turns into a long-term serious relationship, then only in this case can we talk about true love.
- To love means to believe. One of the most relevant truths for many modern couples. It means the presence of trust between a couple in love. The same as to love means to trust. True strong relationships are built only on mutual trust. Faith in a partner is the core on which families have been held for many centuries.
- Changes - does not love. Common, and most often erroneous opinion. In many families, infidelity does not occur because of a lack of love. Most often, spouses decide to cheat for the sake of new sensations and satisfaction of the need to be needed, to seem young, etc. Most of those who have decided to change their other half, argue that sex and love are different things. Remarkably, the majority are men.
- Love contrary. What it means to love in spite of, many know firsthand. Each person has a certain set of advantages and almost twice as many disadvantages. True love does not pay attention to the non-negative aspects of a person. It is usually customary to say that a person is loved not for some of his virtues, but in spite of his shortcomings. Those. love the way he is, without embellishments and illusions.
For each person, with his individual view of the world, upbringing and character, there is his own idea of what it means to truly love and what it means to be able to love. One of the American scientists has compiled a list of several steps that, in his opinion, should lead to true and pure love in a relationship:
In any relationship, it is worth remembering that love is, first of all, a voluntary sacrifice. And everyone decides for the sake of what he does it, and whether the person who is nearby is worth the time and effort that goes into the revival of true feelings.
