How to convince a teenager that you are right. How to persuade a person? Rules for successful persuasion. People need to feel like they are being paid attention to and understood
A former hostage rescuer explains how to win anyone over to his side.
Image Credit Flickr Duncan OddsMark Goulston has done a lot of RPGs over the past two years. He portrayed a suicidal cop holding a pistol to his neck and threatening to pull the trigger. The training was attended by FBI agents and police officers, whose task was to dissuade him from suicide.
“At the end of the game, I used to pull the trigger and then explain what had to be asked or said to get me back on track,” explains Goulston, a former FBI agent and hostage rescue specialist. Today Goulston, business consultant and bestselling author, I Hear Right Through You. Effective Negotiation Technique ”uses the experience he gained while working for the FBI in his trainings for managers of large corporations like GE, IBM and Goldman Sachs.
Goulston shared some tips with Business Insider on how to get people - customers, colleagues, employees, or even bosses - to do what you need to do.
1. They must speak
After you have asked for something - or have subtly hinted that you would like to - stop and let the person say whatever they want. “Once he starts talking, he will discover the urgency of what you ask him to do,” explains Goulston. The person will decide for himself that he needs to do what he is asked to do, without your persuasion. If only you speak, people will simply stop paying attention to what you say, or they will take it as if they are being instructed and they will not want to do what you want to do.
2. Pay attention to adjectives and adverbs in the interlocutor's speech
“An adjective is a way to decorate a noun, and an adverb is a way to decorate a verb. And both of these parts of speech characterize the emotional background of your interlocutor, ”explains Goulston. After the other person has spoken - even if they asked you a question - pause and instead of answering, respond like this: "Hmm ..." (This will signal that you have heard them and are thinking about what was said.) Then say something about the adjective or the adverbs that the interlocutor used.
This will help you understand what really matters to him, and will encourage the other person to pay more attention to the negotiations, which means that he will be more interested in helping you.
For example, if the person you are talking to uses the adjective "wonderful" in relation to a solution and then asks you a question, try to respond like this: "I can answer your question, but first tell me about this wonderful option." This will force the person to open up to you on a deeper level than when you just answer the question. “The more your interlocutor opens up to you, the more attentively he will listen to what you are saying,” says Goulston.
3. Encourage "filling in the blanks"
“Asking someone a question immediately triggers unconscious memories of how the person was once put in a difficult position by their parents, teachers or coaches, and thereby put yourself in opposition to the interlocutor,” says Goulston. Then the person reflexively steps back.
To avoid this, insert your questions or ask to “fill in the blanks,” Goulston advises. For example, when you ask the question “What will you do about situation X?”, You are hinting, “You better know the answer, otherwise…” This provokes confrontation. It is better to ask in a different tone - "I want to know": "And you are planning to do something about this ...?"
With this approach, you involve the person in the sentence you uttered, rather than asking a question that prompts the other person to think that you are against him.
4. Refer to positive memories
Believe it or not, almost whenever you ask a person to do something, you trigger unconscious memories. “And the trick is to launch the positive, not the negative,” advises Goulston.
If the person associates your request with something positive, they will be more inclined to fulfill it. Goulston once asked a client of his why she preferred him to a female coach. She replied: “You are like an older brother to me who protects me, smart, funny and slightly irreverent - and when you point me to something that is worth changing in my life, instead of arguing, I listen to you and go to contact, because I feel love and warmth in your words. "
5. Do not pull the blanket over you
A good way to get people to do what you need to do is to make them feel important. People are divided into two categories, says Goulston: some, sympathetic, develop the words of the interlocutor and add something to them, while others pull the blanket over themselves and either take the initiative to talk about themselves, or try to put themselves above the interlocutor. “Well, looks like you had a pretty good trip to Florida. But we went to Fiji. "
The former make the interlocutor feel that his words are important, while the latter leave the impression that they are listening only in order to speak up themselves, or even belittle the person.
For example, a sympathetic person will say, “What a great idea! Smart and creative. We can even go ahead and do X if you think it works. " And the one who pulls the blanket over himself will answer: “You have a good idea, but I have actually already told the boss my version, and he liked him, so it’s probably better to do as I suggested.”
6. Focus on the future
People don't like criticism. They become defensive when you look at situations in which they failed, Goulston says. So if you want a person to act differently in the future, do not dwell on the past. Better to say: "I want to say that in the future I will be very grateful if you could do this and that, it will be very useful for the whole team."
How is manipulation different from persuasion?
Some people mistakenly believe that those who are able to convince people manipulate their consciousness, attitude, behavior. Yes, indeed, psychological manipulation is a form of influence on a person, which is the desire to change the perception or behavior of other people using covert, deceptive and violent tactics.
Manipulation mainly affects the interests of the manipulator at the expense of other people, they can be considered exploitative, violent, dishonest and even unethical.
However, manipulation may not always be so negative. For example, a physician may use manipulation to try to convince his patient to change his lifestyle in order to maintain health. Manipulation is generally considered harmless if the manipulator respects the person's right to choose and when the manipulation is not overly coercive. In this, manipulation is similar to persuasion.
Ability to convince people
Persuasion is the art of persuading a person to do what is in their best interests and at the same time benefiting the persuading person.
Persuasion is accomplished through word, example and deed. Most often they convince with words.
We need the ability to persuade people in many cases, for example, when it is necessary to induce a person to act to achieve a particular goal; or prove your point of view; or when it is necessary to win the favor of opponents, etc. etc.
Convincing is getting people to your side.
The persuasion process consists of such types of influence as informing, explaining, proving and refuting.
In order to convince a person of something, a whole spectrum of stimulating influences is required. Among them is information, i.e. the message for which one must act occupies an important place. Each person, before taking action, wants to make sure what exactly needs to be done and whether he will be able to do it.
Clarification as a form of persuasive influence can be instructive, narrative, or reasoning.
The essence of the proof lies in the fact that a thesis is put forward (a thought or position, the truth of which must be proved) and arguments or arguments are sought to confirm the put forward thesis.
To convince a person or prove to him the truth of a statement, facts are often needed. Without facts, there is no proof. To convince a person, know that people are used to relying on facts. Facts create in them an appropriate mood for the perception of reality, form an attitude. However, this is not how separate, disparate facts act, but their system.
Refutation in the process of persuasion is used to criticize the established views and stereotypes of people's behavior, or to destroy attitudes.
Persuading other people is an important skill that helps you sell products, services, and your brilliant ideas. And even to win in disputes and conflicts.
How to learn to convince people?
It will be difficult for you to convince a person who is not interested in what you are talking about. One of the most important principles of persuasion is to talk to people about themselves, about what interests them most. This principle will help you keep the other person's attention.
To convince a person of something, it is necessary to establish interaction, establish contact, gain trust.
We like people who are somewhat similar to us. This manifests itself not only in our conscious decisions, but also in unconscious behavior. Reflecting the behavior of others (body language, speech rhythm, intonation, gestures, etc.) will help you establish contact with the interlocutor. He will be more comfortable and relaxed.
We all love compliments, and we tend to trust people we have warm feelings for. Give the person a sincere compliment during your conversation, call him by name more often. Such simple and free things attract people to each other. And this is what you need in order to finally convince or convince a person.
And don't forget, we're only talking about persuasion, not manipulation. Therefore, there is no control and management over a person, everyone has the right to choose, the right to their point of view and the right to disagree with you and not accept your offer.
How to convince a person? Some useful tricks
Use the reflection technique
Reflection is an imperceptible repetition of the movements and gestures of the person whom you want to convince of something. On a subconscious level, your interlocutor should feel emotional comfort as well as acceptance of your point of view. Use this technique, but not too intrusively, otherwise the person will immediately consider insincerity in the artificiality of your postures and body movements.
To convince a person, speak the language of the other person
People are more willing to trust those who are like them. Therefore, your task is to adapt to the interlocutor. Doesn't he use jargon? So you shouldn't either. Does the interlocutor often joke? So you need to show that you understand his sense of humor.
Speak quickly and clearly when trying to convince the person
When we speak, we usually use interjections such as "uh", "I think" and of course the ubiquitous "so to speak." Such speech fillers inadvertently present us in a worse light, we seem less confident in ourselves and therefore sound unconvincing. If you speak confidently, you can easily convince your interlocutor. The art of persuasion in simplicity. So keep your thought as simple as possible
Repeat thoughts after the other person to convince the person
By simple repetition, you show the person that you are listening and understanding. At the same time, you can express your own position, for example, by saying: "If I understand correctly, you think this is important because of A and B. I heard this and I think that C and D"
To persuade the person, use open-ended questions that suggest an affirmative answer. For example, "The weather is good today, isn't it?", "You probably want to buy a car at a bargain price?"
The author of the manual "The main skill of a sales manager" Ilya Kusakin believes that there are no situations where the art of negotiation cannot be applied, because we always deal with people. "Your ability to sell ideas or convince people depends on your success, family well-being, and happiness."
Powerful and effective techniques will help you become a specialist in this matter.
We all know that to be successful in any negotiation, you need to be a confident person, communicative, persistent and purposeful. But why, among those who have all these qualities, someone can regularly fail, while others really achieve the goal? What secrets or skills do they have?
Convincing emotionally
Any conversation is, first of all, emotions. Yours and the side you want to captivate with your idea. Moreover, it is important to take into account the emotions of both parties. In a conversation, observe what the interlocutor is experiencing: is he disappointed, scared, doubts, interested, but not enough to agree? By working with the emotions of the interlocutor, you find a real path to his heart, and do not push your idea despite the obstacles.
Persuading and arguing for the sake of arguing are two different things. What are the consequences of scandals and how to fix it? Watching the video!
"The person who is able to influence the interlocutors emotionally in negotiations is indeed much more likely to close the deal than the most knowledgeable salesperson."
Exceed expectations
One of the techniques to help persuade effectively. You can convince your mother-in-law to move from a private house to the city center, but will she be happy with the result if you do not offer her something that compensates for the loss of the cherry orchard in which she spent her childhood? Hardly. But if you, having received even the forced consent, send her a team of assistants to pack and transport things, you will give her real family support.
« In one auto repair shop, every woman who handed in a car for repairs was returned a repaired car with a fresh rose on the front seat. "
Nullify objections
The author is convinced that any objection should be considered as an objective reason, and not as a way to dismiss you. If a person refuses, it is important to let him know that you are considering this. "The objection is important to take into account, but it is not necessary to unconditionally agree (and certainly not worth arguing)."
Exercise from the author: “Sit opposite each other. Make lists of common objections and logical arguments that can convince you. Have your partner read out the objections, and you, first peeping at the list of reasons, and then from memory, answer. Train until you can easily find the correct and appropriate logical arguments on the fly. "
Don't leave your interlocutor alone
Once you've got down to business, you probably shouldn't give it up halfway. A conversation in which you want to convince someone of something must be carried through to the end without leaving your opponent a chance to doubt. Allow enough time for the conversation so that your opponent does not have any doubts that this is important to you and do not interrupt for phone calls and absences as needed. Concentrate only on the topic of the conversation.
“Trust is very important. Not everyone manages to earn it, but losing it is easier. "
Act as if consent has already been obtained
The effect when belief becomes a fait accompli. Thus, you give a bonus to the person, make him believe in what is obvious to you (he has money, he deserves the best, he is a kind and positive person and will meet you).
“I used this technique from the very first day. Even when she was not even my girlfriend (I was 19 then), I behaved with her as if we were already dating, and nothing else. I did it regardless of how she treated me, even when things were not going well (and this period lasted about two years). And now, when my wife is angry with me, I still act as if she admires me. And it works! "
In addition to these important rules, it is worth learning more some useful points:
- admit that you are wrong;
- pay attention to all the details mentioned by the interlocutor, even if they seem to you to be trifles;
- always try to find a way out;
- speak clearly;
- use humor.
“Your confidence will increase, and this will affect your income level. These are not just words, but my personal promise to each of those who study the book from cover to cover and apply the information received. " Tips and exercises for business and life in the book by Ilya Kusakin "The main skill of a sales manager" ("Alpina Publisher").
Today in the blog: How the psychology of persuasion of a person works, psychological techniques of persuasion, how you can convince another person, or, if you like, the art of persuasion.
(see psychological games)
Greetings, dear blog readers, I wish you all mental health.
The psychology of a person's persuasion - impact on consciousness
The psychology of a person's persuasion is based on the fact that, by persuading, the speaker influences the consciousness of the person being persuaded, referring to her own critical judgment. The essence the psychology of persuasion serves to clarify the meaning of the phenomenon, cause-and-effect relationships and relationships, highlighting the social and personal significance of solving a particular issue.
Beliefs appeal to analytical thinking, in which the power of logic, evidence prevails and the persuasiveness of the arguments is achieved. A person's conviction as a psychological impact should create a person's conviction in the rightness of another and his own confidence in the correctness of the decision.
The psychology of a person's persuasion and the role of the speaker
The perception of information that persuades a person depends on who communicates it, how much an individual person or the audience as a whole trusts the source of information. Trust is the perception of a source of information as competent and reliable. Convincing a person of something can create an impression of his competence in the audience in three ways.
The first - start expressing judgments with which the listeners agree. Thus, he will gain a reputation as an intelligent person.
Second - to be presented as a specialist in this field.
Third - speak confidently, without a shadow of doubt.
Reliability depends on the persuasive manner of speaking. People trust the speaker more when they are sure that he has no intention of convincing them of anything. Those who defend what goes against their own interests also seem to be truthful. Confidence in the speaker and confidence in his sincerity increase if the person who convinces the person speaks quickly. Rapid speech also makes it impossible for listeners to find counter-arguments.
The attractiveness of the communicator (persuasive) also affects the effectiveness of the psychology of a person's persuasion. The term “attractiveness” refers to several qualities. This is both the beauty of a person and the similarity with us: if the speaker has either one or the other, the information seems to the listeners more convincing.
The psychology of a person's persuasion and the role of the listener
People with an average level of self-esteem are most easily persuaded. Older people are more conservative in their views than younger people. At the same time, attitudes formed in adolescence and early adolescence can remain for a lifetime, since the impressions acquired at this age are deep and unforgettable.
In a state of strong excitement, agitation, anxiety of a person, his psychology of persuasion (compliance with persuasion) increases. Being in a good mood is often conducive to persuasion, partly because it encourages positive thinking, and partly because there is a connection between being in a good mood and communicating. People who are in a good mood tend to see the world through rose-colored glasses. In this state, they make more hasty, impulsive decisions, relying, as a rule, on indirect signs of information. It is no coincidence, obviously, that many business issues, such as the conclusion of transactions, are decided in a restaurant.
Conformal (easily accepting someone else's opinion) are easier to persuade (test: Personality theory). Women are more susceptible to persuasion than men. Especially not effective may be psychology of persuasion in relation to men with a low level of self-esteem, acutely experiencing, as it seems to them, their uselessness, alienation, who are prone to loneliness, aggressive or suspicious, not stress-resistant.
In addition, the higher a person's intelligence, the more critical their attitude to the proposed content, the more often they assimilate information, but disagree with it.
The psychology of a person's persuasion: logic or emotion
Depending on the listener, the person is more convinced by either logic and evidence (if the person is educated and has an analytical mind), or the influence turned to emotions (in other cases).
The psychology of persuasion can be effective, influencing a person, causing fear. Such a psychology of persuasion is more effective when they not only scare the possible and probable negative consequences of a certain behavior, but also offer specific ways to solve the problem (for example, diseases, the picture of which is easy to imagine, are more frightening than diseases about which people have a very vague idea ).
However, using fear for persuasion and influence on a person, one cannot cross a certain line when this method turns into information terror, which is often observed when advertising various drugs on radio and television. For example, we are enthusiastically told how many millions of people around the world suffer from this or that disease, how many people, according to doctors' calculations, should get the flu this winter, etc. And this is repeated not just from day to day, but almost every hour, and it is completely ignored that there are easily suggested people who will begin to invent these diseases in themselves, run to the pharmacy and will swallow not only useless in this case, but also unhealthy medicines.
Unfortunately, in the absence of an accurate diagnosis, intimidation is often used by doctors as well, which runs counter to the first medical commandment “do no harm”. At the same time, it is not taken into account that the source of information that deprives a person of mental, psychological peace may be denied confidence.
The information that comes first (the primary effect) convinces a person more. However, if some time passes between the first and the second message, then the second message has a stronger convincing influence, since the first has already been forgotten (the effect of novelty).
The psychology of a person's persuasion and the way information is received
It has been established that the arguments (arguments) given by another person convince us more than similar arguments given to oneself. The weakest are the arguments given mentally, somewhat stronger are the arguments given to ourselves aloud, and the strongest are those made by the other, even if he does so at our request.
The psychology of persuasion. Methods:
fundamental: is a direct appeal to the interlocutor, who is immediately and openly introduced to all the information that makes up
the basis for proving the correctness of the proposed;
contradiction method: based on the identification of contradictions in the arguments of the persuaded and on a thorough check of their own arguments for consistency in order to prevent a counteroffensive;
method of "extraction of conclusions": arguments do not set out all at once, but gradually, step by step, seeking agreement at each stage;
chunks method: the arguments of the convinced are divided into strong (accurate), average (controversial) and weak (erroneous); they try not to touch the former, and the main blow is inflicted on the latter;
ignore method: if the fact stated by the interlocutor cannot be refuted;
accent method: emphasis is placed on the arguments given by the interlocutor and corresponding to the common interests (“you yourself speak ...”);
method of two-sided argumentation: for greater persuasiveness, first the advantages and then the disadvantages of the proposed solution are presented
question; it is better if the interlocutor learns about the shortcomings from the persuader than from others, which will give him the impression that the persuader is impartial (this method is especially effective when convincing an educated person, while a poorly educated person lends itself better to one-sided argumentation);
method "yes, but ...": used in cases where the interlocutor provides convincing evidence of the benefits of his approach to resolving the issue; first they agree with the interlocutor, then after a pause, they provide evidence of the shortcomings of his approach;
apparent support method: this is a development of the previous method: the arguments of the interlocutor are not refuted, but, on the contrary, new arguments are presented
to support them. Then, when he gets the impression that the persuader is well informed, counterarguments are given;
boomerang method: the interlocutor is returned by his own arguments, but directed in the opposite direction; arguments "for" become arguments
"against".
The psychology of persuasion is effective then:
1. when it concerns one need of the subject or several, but of the same strength;
2. when carried out against the background of a low intensity of the persuading emotions; agitation and agitation are interpreted as uncertainty and reduce the effectiveness of his argumentation; outbursts of anger, abuse cause a negative reaction of the interlocutor;
3. when it comes to secondary issues that do not require reorientation of needs;
4. when the persuader himself is confident in the correctness of the proposed solution; in this case, a certain dose of inspiration, an appeal not only to the mind, but also to the emotions of the interlocutor (through "infection") will enhance the effect of persuasion;
5. when not only one's own is offered, but also the argumentation of the convinced is considered; it has a better effect than repeating your own arguments many times;
6. when argumentation begins with a discussion of those arguments on which it is easier to reach agreement; you need to ensure that the persuaded more often agrees with the arguments: the more assent you can get, the more chances you have to achieve success;
7. when a plan of argumentation is developed that takes into account the possible counter-arguments of the opponent; this will help build the logic of the conversation, make it easier for the opponent to understand the persuading position.
The psychology of a person's persuasion is appropriate then:
1. When they show the importance of the proposal, the possibility and ease of its implementation;
2. When they present different points of view and make an analysis of forecasts (with persuasion - including negative ones);
3. When the importance of the advantages of the proposal is increased and the magnitude of its disadvantages is reduced;
4. When the individual characteristics of the subject, his educational and cultural level are taken into account, and the arguments that are closest and understandable to him are selected;
5. When a person is not directly told that he is wrong, this way you can only hurt his pride - and he will do everything to defend himself, his position (it would be better to say: "Perhaps I am wrong, but let's see ...");
6. When, in order to overcome the negativism of the interlocutor, an illusion is created that the proposed idea belongs to him (for this, it is enough just to bring him to the appropriate thought and provide an opportunity to draw a conclusion); they do not parry the argument of the interlocutor immediately and with apparent ease, he will perceive this as disrespect for himself or as an underestimation of his problems (what torments him for a long time, others are allowed in a matter of seconds);
7. When it is not the personality of the interlocutor that is criticized in the dispute, but the arguments presented by him, controversial or incorrect from the point of view of the persuading person (it is advisable to precede the criticism by acknowledging the truth of the person convinced of something, this will help to avoid his offense);
8. When they argue as clearly as possible, periodically checking whether the subject understands you correctly; arguments do not stretch, as this is usually associated with the speaker's doubts; short and simple phrases are built not according to the norms of the literary language, but according to the laws of oral speech; use pauses between arguments, since the flow of arguments in monologue mode dulls the attention and interest of the interlocutor;
9. When the subject is included in the discussion and decision-making, as people are better at adopting the views in the discussion of which they take part;
10. When opposing their point of view calmly, tactfully, without mentoring.
This concludes my review of the psychology of human persuasion, I hope this post was helpful.
I wish you all good luck!
The gift of persuasion is a talent that few are endowed with. But it is quite possible to learn how to use the following psychological rules to convince absolutely anyone that they are right. Below are 10 tips for convincing someone, even if they completely disagree with your opinion. Works flawlessly!
1. Homer's Rule.
The credibility of your arguments depends on their consistency. So, the most compelling set of arguments is this: strong arguments - not very strong - one of the most powerful. This diagram shows that weak arguments should not be used at all. They are ineffective, since your counterpart draws attention precisely to the weaknesses of the argumentation, with the help of which it will not work to convince him. And the point is not in the amount of evidence, but in their validity. Moreover, it is important to remember that the impact of any argument is subjective. Each person reacts differently to the same rationale. Therefore, it is worth showing discernment and knowledge.
2. The rule of Socrates, which has been in effect for more than 2000 years.
It consists in asking the interlocutor two questions, to which he will certainly answer positively. And after that, put the third, decisive question for yourself, to which you want to hear "yes". By the way, the effectiveness of this method is confirmed by physiological reasons. If a person says or hears "yes", endorphins - "pleasure hormones" enter the bloodstream. Having answered positively twice, the counterpart relaxes, tunes in a complacent mood and, by inertia, says "yes".
3. The strength of an argument is related to your position and social status.
In this case, your own authority plays into your hands, so it will be even easier to convince a person. In fact, social level and merit give a person weight in the eyes of others and make his arguments weighty and authoritative. By the way, this technique is actively used in advertising of medicines, cosmetics, baby food, when cosmetologists and doctors are involved in the process. Or when sports products are advertised by famous athletes.
4. Respect for the interlocutor.
Any show of disdain or arrogance on your part will cause your partner to react negatively. That is why, for a start, it is important to win him over and create a trusting and friendly atmosphere.
5. Personal attitude and sympathy.
We subconsciously perceive the arguments of the interlocutor we like more favorably. But the convictions of a not quite pleasant counterpart, on the contrary, we perceive critically. So keep this in mind if you don't know how to convince a person. Try to get started.
6. Find something in common.
If you want to convince someone, start the conversation not with contradictory points, but find common points of contact so that the interlocutor initially agrees with you.
7. Take advantage of empathy.
Empathy is the gift to empathize with another person and feel their emotional state. It will help you understand the interlocutor's train of thought and his inner attitude. Moreover, without empathy, it will be difficult to implement rule # 1 (Homer) and rule # 2 (Socrates).
8. Convincing someone does not create conflict.
Avoid words and actions that can provoke a conflict situation. These can be thoughtless phrases, insufficient courtesy, irritability (and also see point # 4).
9. Facial expressions, gestures and posture.
Support your arguments with these essential ingredients. As you know, facial expressions can speak better than words. In addition, the content of your speech and facial expression should not contradict each other. And your behavior should demonstrate friendliness and willingness to dialogue.
10. Engage your interlocutor.
Emphasize that your proposal will work in the interests of the listener. If you can convince the interlocutor, he must understand that as a result of the consent he will be satisfied.
As you can see, these techniques and rules are based on knowledge of human nature and the basics of behavioral psychology. Take them into service and start putting them into practice. As a result, very soon you will see that your arguments act on others and you can easily achieve your goal through.
