How to be humble. how to be humble how to be humble

Yesterday we talked about how, After realizing how important it is to show modesty in the face of Allah and his creations, the question arises before the believer: am I modest enough? Where are the limits of modesty? Having crossed what line, we cross the boundaries of modesty?

If character traits were completely innate, it would be almost impossible to change yourself or adjust. Islam calls for constant improvement and education in oneself of beautiful moral qualities and distance from bad qualities. If this were not possible, Islam would not burden a person with such a prescription.

Allah Almighty said: “The one who cleansed her succeeded, and the one who hid her (discredited, clothed in injustice) suffered damage” (91: 9-10).

But despite this, people differ in their characteristics, capabilities and will in accepting or changing the qualities of character. And if a person by nature is inclined to express a special quality, then it will be easier to improve this quality. This is because of the inner inclination (fitra) that is in him. As for modesty, it can be innate and acquired. Here are a few tips to help you become more modest or gain modesty:

1. Refrain from indecent words and actions, such as slander. This will only provoke the devil, who seeks to make a person stumble and tempts with such deeds. Refraining from these actions will not allow him to tempt you and lead you astray.

2. Continually study the virtues of modesty and open your heart to them. Make a commitment to attain the highest level of modesty and gain the pleasure of Allah Almighty.

3. Strengthen iman and faith in your heart, since modesty is the fruit of iman and the knowledge of Allah Almighty.

4. Worship Allah, meditate on His beautiful names and qualities, which will lead to the awareness of Allah and perfect disposition. Examples of such names are: All-Knowing, All-Merciful, All-Forgiving, All-Seeing, Almighty, Protecting. When you do anything, remember that Allah sees you, and when you speak, remember that Allah hears you, and when you are silent, remember that Allah knows what you think and feel.

5. Perform the obligatory and optional acts of worship in sequence. Acts of worship strengthen iman and become protection from all harmful.

6. Be truthful and avoid lying. Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and modesty is a part of righteousness. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise."

7. Practice modesty on a regular basis so that it becomes your inclination. In striving for one good quality, a person acquires other good qualities, for example, patience.

8. Association with righteous people. We are more influenced by our environment. And the good qualities that people in our environment show, we gradually begin to accept ourselves.

9. Remember the greatest example of human modesty - the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). Study his sira and his beautiful qualities. Also, study the modesty of his companions and their lives.

10. Remove yourself from the corrupt environment, which will be detrimental to your character. Do not take as your friend those who consider modesty to be backwardness.

It is impossible to be the best in absolutely all areas of activity. Admit to yourself that at this particular moment in time you are limited in your skills. Even if you are great at your job, there will always be those who do it better than you. Take an example from them, this is your guide for self-improvement. In addition, there are things that you can never do for any objective reason.

Do not think that the recognition of one's limitations is a rejection of the desire for new knowledge and skills. You can always learn something new or improve your own abilities.

Stop judging others

One of the most harmful habits is the habit of judging other people for their actions, while their own shortcomings and mistakes are not subject to discussion. This approach always negatively affects relationships with other people, and also interferes with the formation of new relationships. Learn to put yourself in the place of those you judge, this will help you improve and be ready for different situations.

Appreciate what you have

If you have reached certain peaks in professional activity or in studies, remember that your position is the result of the right choice made in the past or the presence of favorable conditions in your time. Do not forget that there are people who have achieved more from the same starting positions that you had. In the same way, there are people who made a mistake in choosing a path or did not have the same opportunities and as a result became less successful in their activities. Always remember that one wrong step can change your life dramatically.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes and admit it

A person's modesty is determined by his ability to admit that he makes and will make mistakes. Understanding that each person has limited knowledge and knows nothing about the future will help you not be afraid of your own mistakes.

If you make a mistake and admit it, the people around you will see that you are not selfish or stubborn. This behavior shows that you are willing to learn from your mistakes and work on yourself.

Look for and cherish people who are ready to help you with advice or action.

Refrain from bragging

Never flaunt your accomplishments or flaunt them. If you have something to be proud of, others will definitely notice it and will elevate you themselves. Your achievements are undoubtedly worthy of attention, but your bluster will expose you as a selfish person. You will be able to impress people much more if you give them the opportunity to study you on their own. If asked about your achievements, answer honestly, but do not say more than what people are interested in. Be humble, this is the best decoration of a person.

As a virtue, modesty is not very popular. People with this character trait do not often get on the covers of glossy publications, scandals do not flare up around them, and in general they give very few reasons for sensations, even if they are known.

This leads to one misconception about humble people: that they are insecure. But this is not so, because they have inner strength, although they do not boast of it, flaunting it. Thus, it can be said that modesty is a quiet strength.

According to Wikipedia, modesty is the ability to keep oneself within limits, to be moderate, calm, restrained. It can be both a character trait and a way of life of a person, and, interestingly, a skill.

Humility is expressed in the following:

• observance of the limits of decency;
• moderation of requirements;
• decency and degree in communication with other people;
• lack of lust for power, the desire to dominate, showing oneself;
• indifference to luxury and excesses.

To find out the power of modesty, we will try to look at this character trait from all sides, understand how it combines with influence on other people, answer some questions, and also conduct a small session of introspection.

Two types of powerful forces

In the context of modesty, there are two types of people. And they are, as a rule, on completely opposite sides of the social spectrum.

The first type has a fleeting effect on others. They seem to be quite powerful and self-confident, but their strength turns out to be negligible. Maybe you succumbed to their influence today, but tomorrow it will completely disappear. People of the second type at first have very little influence, but over time it grows and gets stronger.

Before examining these two types of people in detail, let's do a quick introspection session to determine which side of the spectrum you are on. Ask yourself the following questions:

• I act out of fear or thanks?
• I tend to trust people more or do they trust me more often?
• Am I always trying to prove myself right or live quietly with the fact that people can have their own opinion?
• Do I feel like I'm better than others or do I treat them as equals?
• People are in my shadow or I let them be in the spotlight?
• I often brag about my accomplishments or prefer to talk about the achievements of other people?

Pay attention to the union "or": it helps in one sentence to talk about the behavior of two types of people. Write down the answers to the questions, and then answer one more: how do you feel in those situations that you did not choose? For example, if you love being the life of the party, how does it feel to have others in the spotlight?

If you tend to choose both options, then you are somewhere in the middle of this spectrum. Perhaps this behavior is reasonable. In any case, this is better than being too modest (even shy) or defiantly self-confident.

Of course, the amount of influence depends on many factors. However, there is one that stands out from the rest and has great power: whether you act out of gratitude or fear. In other words, out of a sense of humility or arrogance (a form of dominance).

Yes, arrogance, like many unpleasant human traits, is derived from inner fear. We fear that we will not be appreciated enough, so we choose a defiant demeanor to amuse our self-esteem and muffle the voice of fear.

Benefits of modesty

Humility has some very solid advantages over arrogance and the ignorance that often follows.

Great for leadership

Humble leaders are not only loved, they are also more productive and efficient in carrying out their duties. A good leader is someone who knows how to admit their mistakes and draw conclusions from them.

Increases self-control

Self-control is one of the key aspects of a successful life. Paradoxically or not, obsession with one's personality leads to a decrease in self-control.

Increases work capacity

A modest person rarely rests on his laurels, that is, after completing one task, he immediately takes on the second. He enjoys the process itself, and not the results, which distinguishes him from the rest. In the end, modesty allows you to save mental energy, which is directed to the performance of work duties.

Helps to learn and master new skills

Humble people know that they "know nothing." They are never satisfied with the current level of skills, so they strive to improve every day. When a person behaves humbly, it is easier for him to tune in to a long journey. This is important, for example, when learning a foreign language or creating a startup.

Reduces prejudice

If a person is modest, he rarely looks at the world with prejudice, shows tolerance towards others.

Creates strong relationships between people

Humble people make relationships stronger. Why? They make the interlocutor feel important because they do not focus on their ego.

Disadvantages of modesty

We have already talked about the metaphorical scale on which excessive modesty is at the extreme point of one end. This can already be called painful shyness, which is fraught with many shortcomings. Here are the main ones.

People will underestimate you

This is the biggest reason why you shouldn't be too humble.

If no one knows about what you have done, what important projects you have worked on and what you have achieved, then you should not be surprised that you are underestimated. People simply don't have the right information.

Not everyone makes false assumptions, but most people will judge your abilities based on what they know. Excessive modesty leads to a lack of information. So don't be afraid to talk about your successes, just make sure it doesn't come across as bragging. What to do? Report achievements at the right time, especially when you get a direct question.

Your skills may go unnoticed

How will people (especially a potential employer) be able to find out about your skills if you don't mention them? If you do not report your abilities, then talents will go unnoticed. And this has a very detrimental effect, for example, on the level of income. But not only talk about it, but also show yourself in action.

You may end up being a follower, not a leader

While humility is the hallmark of a good leader, extremes can be costly. People should know that you know how to lead, make strong-willed decisions, and have the ability to influence others.

What to do? Use every opportunity to lead people or take on complex projects that require competent team management.

How to get rid of shyness

Excessive modesty develops into shyness, so you need to know how to get rid of it.

Reflect on your personality

Shyness, in contrast to introversion, which is associated with silence and restraint, is characterized by indecision, tension, timidity, awkwardness in society.

In such a person there is a great fear that others will evaluate him in a negative way. Instead of thinking about what needs to be done, he dwells too much on the problem itself without trying to find a way out.

One way to reduce social anxiety is to spend more time thinking about what you can think of to make the situation successful. Ask yourself questions:

• In what situations do I show excessive modesty?
• How can I make these situations more comfortable for me?

Be interested in other people

As we already mentioned, an overly modest and shy person focuses too much on his emotions and feelings, so he cannot feel at ease. The solution is simple: start thinking about other people. This is a simple and effective strategy that helps not only to remove anxiety, but also to interest others. After all, everyone is pleased when they pay attention.

It will be difficult to do this at first, so ask yourself questions that will pique your curiosity:

• What are the interests and hobbies of this person?
• What message does he want to convey?
• Why is this person behaving this way?

Soften your inner dialogue

Shy people are often very critical of themselves and their internal dialogue can be very harsh.

The inner critic can do a lot of emotional damage, robbing you of peace and lowering your self-esteem. All this only exacerbates the problem, not giving the opportunity to find a solution.

How to Develop Humility and Influence Others

There are many ways that you can apply to become a more modest person without losing your personality and becoming shy.

The easiest way to do this is to list the actions, habits, behaviors, and beliefs that create a modesty cocktail. Mix these ingredients together and you'll get all the benefits we talked about earlier.

Remember that a humble person:

• Often redirects praise to other people, as Oscar winners do.
• He openly admits his mistakes and failures.
• Increases the confidence of other people, while not humiliating yourself.
• He does not flaunt his achievements and talents, but he does not hide them either.
• Recognizes that skills and abilities do not appear out of the blue, but are the result of long and focused work.
• When talking, he tries to dig deeper and find out what is good in the interlocutor. He recognizes his dignity directly, but does not flatter.
• Believes there is always something to learn. He does not stop for a second in his self-development.
• Admits his mistakes and corrects them.

So, here are simple strategies to help you become a more humble person.

1 Thank other people

Gratitude can make you less self-centered and helps you focus on the people around you. It kills pride and inflated self-esteem.

Expressing gratitude makes a person humble. It can be something small, like a simple "Thank you!" the person holding the door. Or significant, when you, as a leader, recognize the contribution of each team member to success.

2 Treat everyone the same

This is one of the hardest ways to become humble. And yet, it is the most effective.

We humans are often subject to various cognitive biases. For example, The Eva Braun Effect suggests that we tend to like other people just because we know them.

Humble people are kind, considerate, courteous, and respectful to everyone they meet. Treat each person with the respect and dignity they deserve. Don't judge people by their status or position.

3 Ask for feedback

Self-confident, ignorant people do not need feedback, because they already know everything and they do not need to learn anything else.

Ask a few close friends to be really honest about three things they appreciate about you and three areas where you might need some growth.

4 Challenge prejudice

Joshua Hook, Ph.D., says that in order to become modest and moderate, you need to start with the following exercise: identify an area in which you understand little.

One of his students, for example, had a lot of prejudice against older people and believed that they were much dumber and more primitive than young people. He visited a nursing home and completely changed his mind.

Hug says, “During this exercise, you must listen and learn. Do not prove your point of view and do not jump to conclusions.

If you have negative prejudices about, say, a particular religion, attend a service or talk to a person who practices it. Humility and modesty is the desire to keep the mind open to everything new.

5 Start with a question

Start a meeting with a person with a question, not a search for a solution. Why is this needed?

If you ask a question, you demonstrate that you do not know something. Thus, enter into a state of active learning. You do not try to immediately say something, to start a topic that you know well. Instead, show the interlocutor that you are ready to accept new information.

6 Listen to people

Another tip that is very difficult to implement. And again we are talking about the ego. Why do people like to talk more than to listen? Because he raises self-esteem, asserts himself by saying some words.

A modest person does not need all this. He knows that he is strong inside, so he listens with great pleasure. He understands that more can be learned with the ears, asks questions and does not interrupt.

If you're used to talking all the time, try challenging yourself and listening to people for a month. This amazing experience will open up another world. You will find that you can feel comfortable speaking a word or two occasionally and focusing entirely on the other person's speech.

All this requires great awareness. As soon as you remember this advice, especially during the time you find yourself in the spotlight, give this place to someone else and start asking him open advice. You will see that it can be a real pleasure.

7 Accept Failure

An indiscreet person will react very violently to failures, blaming others, because he does not want to lower his self-esteem (as he believes).

A humble person understands that there is nothing humiliating in resigning yourself to failure and defeat. After all, the main thing is how you react and what actions you take.

Humility and modesty will allow you to take on the difficult challenges of fate without fear of failure. But if the worst happened, that's just one more reason to roll up your sleeves and keep working on yourself.

8 Constantly Learn

Humility has another good side: humble people know they're not perfect and don't stop learning. It’s not that they strive for incredible success, it’s just that this process gives them pleasure.

You can study in absolutely any situation:

• If something good happened, this is an occasion to learn to rejoice from the heart.
• If something bad happened, then there is a chance to test the strength of your psyche or the ability to make decisions under pressure.
• If nothing happened and there is unbearable boredom around, then learn to entertain yourself with the help of reflection, observation, meditation.

The wedding day is not only very important, but it can also be very expensive. For many couples, the question arises, what can be done so that a modest wedding celebration leaves a pleasant impression? And the money saved could be used for a honeymoon, for example.

This question has always been relevant, and resorting to it is not only not a shame, but also useful for the family budget, especially if any purchases or investments are planned. There are many testimonials on the web about this wedding experience.

Newlyweds share secrets and give practical advice. The advantage of this choice is not only the amount saved in the wallet, but also a huge amount of time spent preparing a big celebration. As well as the absence of quarrels and fights among newly-made relatives, common during such events.

What you can save on:

1. outfits;
2. rental of premises;
3. wedding agency;
4. toastmaster;
5. photographer;
6. feast.

Just you and me - a modest wedding

A wedding for two is the most economical option. All you need to do:

1. submit an application to the registry office;
2. pay the state fee;
3. register on the appointed day;
4. buy a cake.

The actual costs are only for tax and sweets. Still, it is worth celebrating such a significant event at least with a tea party. But the question remains - do I need to buy rings? Yet they symbolize the new social status of the newlyweds. And yes, it's just romantic.

If you prefer silver to gold, then such an acquisition will not hit your wallet hard. And silver products are not only beautiful, but also considered beneficial for the body. As you can see, this type of entry into a life together reduces the cost of literally everything.

The closest

The next least expensive is the ceremony, surrounded by a very close circle of friends or relatives. Often these are only witnesses to the marriage, in which, in principle, in our time there is no longer a need, but the tradition has remained.

Here you can dress up a little, and after visiting the wedding palace, go to:

Fast food cafe.

It will not only save the newly-made couple from kitchen problems, but also save time.

An educational and entertainment center or a museum of the wonders of science.

Such an excursion will appeal to opponents of the classic marriage. There you can not only relax, but also have a good time.

Extreme look.

Skydiving will definitely make this day unforgettable.

With family and friends

If you need a family audience or close people still convinced the newlyweds of their obligatory presence, then you should think about the venue. A small feast at home is quite appropriate in the family circle. Parents and close friends will not only help with cooking, but also with subsequent cleaning, which is very important for a tired newlywed.

In this case, it would be appropriate to rent wedding dresses. This is a very advantageous offer, because usually the bride's outfit is one of the most expensive items of expenditure.

There are several ideas to consider when considering this option.

Theme party.

Decorate the house according to the chosen decor and cook the appropriate dishes. Jewelry elements are also good in the handmade version: inflate balloons, cut doves out of paper, and so on.

Outdoors.

If the festival is in the summer, then a park or pond will be a great place to hold it. Spending on a dress can be replaced by the purchase of a swimsuit and a pareo. And at the end of the holiday, when twilight has already begun, you can start up sky lanterns. But since they are now banned in the settlements, this option is only suitable for out-of-town events.

Inexpensive cafe.

If you still want a feast with waiters in order to free yourself from everyday problems on such a beautiful day, then an inexpensive, tastefully decorated cafe can handle this. You can do without a toastmaster, and ask one of your friends or relatives to think over an entertainment program.

There are already many resources on the Internet with ready-made scenarios and tips on how to spend a holiday. And if you're lucky, your own presenter will create an individual program. The most important thing is that this is a close person who knows the newlyweds and his efforts will be more sincere than those of a professional.

The nuances of a modest wedding

Whatever idea of ​​holding a celebration the choice of a young couple stops at, do not forget about photo and video material. Let it not be a professional shooting, but the memories of this memorable day should be preserved in the family archive.

Also, chic wedding dresses can be replaced with attributes. Veil and bow tie - budget, but very symbolic. You should not go in cycles in the pure white color of the dress, it can be any pastel shade. In this case, it can be worn for other festive events. A classic groom's shirt can be transformed into an office one.

If you want to keep the tradition of a wedding bouquet, then you can also make it yourself. The cost of flowers will already depend on the budget.

The main thing to remember behind all these cost cuts is that the bride should be not only happy, but also beautiful, and the groom should not only have the amount saved in his pocket, but also be satisfied with the result. And behind all the thoughts and problems of how to organize an event, the main thing to remember is that the wedding day is not a simple calendar day.

This is an event worth celebrating!