Question for the priest. About the remembrance of the dead. Why you can’t use a knife and fork at a wake - signs Is it possible to use forks at a wake

They say that according to Orthodox canons it is forbidden to place a photograph or sculpture of a buried person on a grave monument. Is this true and why? After all, on the graves of, in particular, famous personalities, we have always placed either their sculptures or bas-reliefs with their image.

An Orthodox Christian, realizing the need to externally express the memory of the deceased, nevertheless inwardly tries to always remember our main and most important duty to the deceased. This is a prayer duty, as an offering of love, and as our most pleasing sacrifice to God in memory of a deceased person.

Those who have crossed the threshold of eternity, by and large, do not need a coffin, a grave, flowers on it, or long feasts with speeches. All the attention of the soul in this terrible hour is focused only on those obstacles that block its path to the Kingdom of God. First of all, such obstacles are unrepentant, unconscious sins, unforgiven grievances, and uncorrected ways of life. After death, a person can no longer change anything and expects from us, from members of the Church of Christ and people close to us in earthly life who have the grace-filled opportunity to pray to God with filial prayer - he expects only the most frequent and warm prayerful sighing for us.

Therefore, on the burial mound, only one Orthodox cross is enough, which is placed at the feet of the deceased, as if so that he would look at it as his last hope. The death of Christ on the cross is the event from which the power of death over the human race was abolished by the Descent into hell of God Himself.

When coming to the grave of even the most famous person (especially if he is so dear to us), we should not be distracted by the memory of the appearance or merits of the deceased, looking at his photograph or sculpture, but our duty is to direct all the power of prayerful attention to the simple and most necessary words : Rest, O Lord, to the soul of Your departed servant.

Is it possible to take photographs or videotape during a funeral?

Answered by Hieromonk Dorofey (Baranov), cleric
Bishop's Church in honor of the Icon of the Mother of God "Quench My Sorrows"

Funerals, as a rule, take place in a concentrated, if not prayerful, then at least reverent atmosphere. Each of those present at the funeral comes into contact with the Sacrament of Death and thinks about many things, including, probably, about their exit from this life. At such holy moments, creating any inconvenience for people is not entirely right. Photography is always associated with some kind of invasion into the inner world, this is the power of this art. And the inner world of a person in the face of death, when he sees it and, as it were, remembers it, is a mysterious moment, which is indecent to violate. Of course, the exception is the funeral of famous personalities, when it is presented as news, as some kind of tribute to the information community. But still, in this case, we must remember about the relatives and friends of the deceased, because no matter how well-known a person he may be, there are always those for whom the deceased is just a close person, without regalia or awards.

Why are forks and knives prohibited at funerals?

Answered by Hieromonk Dorofey (Baranov), cleric
Bishop's Church in honor of the Icon of the Mother of God "Quench My Sorrows"

There is no such ban. If someone confuses you with such fabrications, you have every right to demand an explanation as to why this cannot be done. If the answer is reasonable, which is impossible in principle, then act at your discretion. But it’s better not to clutter your head with such trifles, but to think more about prayerfully commemorating the deceased.

Unfortunately, along with the general culture, the culture of funeral meals, which were originally a continuation of the funeral church service, also disappeared into oblivion. But, despite this, every effort must be made to ensure that the funeral dinner is accompanied by an atmosphere of reverence and silence, and not by the desire to observe the most obscure signs.

Is it possible to remember the dead with vodka?

This is something that we not only have to face, but also fight, and even prohibit this kind of commemoration as having nothing in common with Christianity. The deceased, first of all, need our prayers and good deeds performed in memory of him. The funeral service in the church testifies that the person died in peace with the Church, and the Church prays for him, for the forgiveness of his sins. And the funeral meal is a kind of good deed, which is aimed at those who live nearby. Usually people close and acquaintances were invited to it, as well as poor people, beggars, who, having attended the dinner, could offer a prayer for the soul of the deceased.

It is interesting to trace how the tradition of holding funeral meals arose. Previously, the funeral service took place after the liturgy, and the coffin with the deceased was in the church. People came in the morning on an empty stomach, and the burial procedure ended, as a rule, in the afternoon. Naturally, people needed natural reinforcement of strength. But the very idea of commemoration, the idea of prayer is completely incompatible with drinking alcohol, it is blasphemy. It is unfortunate when funeral meals turn into noisy feasts, by the end of which it becomes unclear why everyone has gathered.

Is it possible to place a plate of borscht, a glass of vodka and bread on the funeral table “on the path” for the deceased?

Answered by priest Anatoly Strakhov, rector
St. Nicholas Church at the Elshansky cemetery in Saratov

This tradition has nothing to do with Orthodoxy. According to Christian conviction, the earthly life of a person who belongs to the Church by baptism is the time when he can testify to his desire to be with God or, conversely, by his actions to show that he serves some other goals and convictions. A person realizes his freedom - to be with God or without Him. And after death this expression of will can no longer be made. However, by the grace of God, before the general judgment, the afterlife fate of a baptized person who has rested in peace with the Church can be changed through the prayer of the Church and the prayerful intercession of neighbors for his soul, coupled with alms.

When talking about the deceased, they often add “May the earth rest in peace”... Is it possible to do this?

Answered by priest Anatoly Strakhov, rector
St. Nicholas Church at the Elshansky cemetery in Saratov

God created man so that he would share with Him the joy of being in the Kingdom of Heaven. This is the main and final goal of human life. Therefore, the best wish for the deceased is the wish for eternal memory (not in the sense that we should remember him forever, but the eternal memory of God for his soul), and the wish for the Kingdom of Heaven, which is a kind of prayer and hope in the mercy of God.

Is it true that you can’t take a “countrywoman” home after the funeral service and you can’t take anything with you from the cemetery?

Answered by priest Anatoly Strakhov, rector
St. Nicholas Church at the Elshansky cemetery in Saratov

The question of the “country land” reflects people’s pagan idea of burial rites, which has nothing in common with church tradition and the Christian attitude towards death. Very often, careless relatives first bury the deceased and only then remember that he was baptized. And when they come to the temple, instead of asking a person to perform the funeral service, they begin to demand “land.” We have to explain that the earth is not the main thing in the funeral service and does not contain any sacred meaning. It has only a symbolic meaning, it is a reminder of the words of Holy Scripture that man is the earth, and to the earth he will return. This is not a pass to the Kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whether or not to bring the soil home does not matter. If the funeral service is performed in a church, then there is no talk about this at all - the priest sprinkles the deceased with earth in a cross shape right in the church, and if he accompanies the coffin to the cemetery, then he pours earth into the grave with the words: “The Lord’s earth, and the fulfillment of it, the universe and all living things.” on her" (Ps. 23, 1).

Therefore, the question of a “countrywoman” arises among those who ask to perform the funeral service for their deceased relative in absentia. Previously, such a funeral service was performed in exceptional cases, if, for example, a person died in a war, and it was impossible to perform a funeral service in the church. By and large, funeral services in absentia are an abnormal and unacceptable phenomenon, performed by the Church only out of condescension towards modern unchurched society. These are the consequences of a godless time, when people, being numbered in the Church and calling themselves Christians, are Orthodox only by baptism, live outside the church, and naturally, after death they are also buried outside the church. But the priests still meet people halfway and perform the ritual, since it is impossible to deprive an Orthodox person of prayer.

Orthodox memorial traditions concern not only days and dates, but also some conventions of the ritual. One of them is that only spoons are placed on the funeral table. To answer the question why you can’t eat with forks at a wake, you need to look into history. One of the historical prerequisites for why you don’t eat with forks at a wake can be considered an exclusively everyday fact - in Rus' they didn’t use forks at all until the time of Peter the Great. It was the first Russian emperor who introduced forks into use, and before that, even in boyar houses they used only spoons.

Like any innovation, forks aroused hostility; they were even called demonic weapons by analogy with the devil’s trident or the devil’s tail. This rejection was especially acute among the Old Believers; in their communities they still eat only with spoons. Another version of why forks should not be used at funerals is ordinary human greed and impulsiveness. Close relatives of the deceased person come to the funeral dinner; often the division of the inheritance begins right there, which in the heat of the moment can end in a knife fight.

Representatives of the Orthodox Church have said more than once that the use of forks does not in any way contradict church canons. For clergy, it is much more important to conduct a funeral service and observe the funeral ceremony.

The question of why forks are not used at funerals has nothing to do with the church and its rituals. The most likely of all the reasons for not using forks at funeral dinners is the tradition of eating kutya as the first dish at funerals.

Pancakes were also prepared for the wake, and dishes with bread and jelly were placed. For all these dishes, a fork is simply not needed, which is why it was not placed on the table.

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20.07.2016

Funeral dinners, which are organized for loved ones, friends, and colleagues of the deceased who came to honor his memory, date back to pagan times. Even then, it was customary to eat food at the graves of dead people. This tradition has reached our times. After the funeral, memorial dinners are held and certain table rules are followed. Many people are interested in the answer to the question why at funerals they eat with spoons and cannot eat with forks. Let's try to figure it out.

According to historical data, in Rus', until the reign of Peter I, even in boyar houses they did not use forks. They simply were not in use. The innovation of a new cutlery by the first Russian emperor caused great hostility among all segments of the population. And the great resemblance to the devil’s trident further strengthened the hostility towards forks. In many Old Believers communities, who have especially shown their reluctance to accept the new cutlery and introduce it into their everyday life, they still use only spoons.

The second version of the answer to the question of why there are no forks among the cutlery at funeral dinners involves ordinary human impulsiveness and greed. Close relatives of the deceased at the funeral often begin to find out the share of their inheritance. Alcohol intoxication is accompanied by strong excitement, aggression, rage, and can lead to the commission of illegal acts, stabbing, and bodily harm to each other.

The most plausible and objective answer to the question of why forks cannot be used during a collective meal held in memory of the deceased is the assumption that initially kutya, which is considered the main funeral porridge, was prepared from wheat grain and flavored with honey, eaten with spoons. The remaining dishes were divided into pieces and could be taken by hand. Thus, forks were simply not needed at the funeral table.

Church ministers have repeatedly pointed out that the religious canons lack advice and recommendations for organizing memorial dinners held to honor the memory of deceased people. This question has nothing to do with church rituals, rules, or requirements. For clergy, it is important to observe the funeral procession, conduct a funeral service, and organize a wake on the 9th and 40th days after the departure of a loved one to the other world.

Thus, whether the ban on the use of forks at funerals is a centuries-old tradition or the most common superstition is a personal matter for everyone. In any case, the relatives of the deceased will have to make their own decisions about setting the funeral table.

The space between paganism and Orthodoxy was densely filled with popular superstitions. They make life easier: you don’t have to think, just do it one way or another, spit over your left shoulder, knock on wood, don’t look into a broken mirror and don’t spill salt. Why is that? The most common opinion is that my grandmother said so.

And these “grandmother’s tips” are implemented in different areas of life, a huge number of them are related to the topic of death. In this article you can learn in more detail about funeral superstitions and whether these traditions have anything to do with Orthodoxy. Is it necessary to cover mirrors and provide bread and vodka for the deceased? Why do people eat with spoons at funerals?

Why are the dead buried?

Christianity is a religion of life, not death. Therefore, it speaks of death not as the end of existence, but as a hope for eternal life, a transition to another world.

After bodily death, the soul does not disappear anywhere, because it is immortal. So Christianity says that the time will come when the human body will be resurrected. When it will be? After the Second Coming of Christ. All the dead will rise, and they will rise not only mentally, but also physically. Man will remain bodily in heaven and in hell. Where such confidence? Christ Himself set an example for humanity: He ascended to heaven in both body and spirit.

According to the Apostle Paul, the human body is nothing more than a temple of the Holy Spirit, a shrine. That is why Christians bury the dead piously: they wash the body, dress it in funeral clothes, put it in a coffin and bury it. Unfortunately, today many folk funeral superstitions have been added to the pious burial rite.

Belief in eternal life is reflected even in the etymology of the word "deceased"- fallen asleep, retired, and not sunk into oblivion. Therefore, Christians do not erase the names of the deceased from memory. On the contrary: they remember them, pray, thank them for all the good things.

For those who have passed on, it makes no difference how you conduct the wake, whether you cover the mirrors, whether you wear black and mourn for at least a year. But he cares whether you pray for him. The main emphasis is on prayer and alms, and not on those strange things that supporters of popular superstitions continue to do.

To make it easier for you and your relatives to part with funeral prejudices, we will consider the most striking, hypothetical stories of their origin and debunk “old wives' tales” from a Christian point of view.

Why do they hang mirrors in the house of the deceased?

Experienced priests admit: over the years of their pastorate, they have not met a single house or apartment where they were called for a funeral service, in which all the mirrors were not hung. If you ask: “Why did you do this?”, then the top three most popular answers will be: “Everyone does it this way,” “That’s what my grandmother said,” “So that the soul of the deceased, seeing himself in the mirror, is not afraid / So that relatives, seeing him in the mirror they were not afraid of the passing soul.”

How can a Christian who believes in God and an afterlife believe such nonsense? It's probably not a matter of a soul flying over the mirror, but something else.

They say that many centuries ago, when a loved one died in a rich man’s house, relatives hung sparkling chandeliers, furniture, and decorative elements with black fabric. Why did they do this? The sparkling interior distracted them from praying for their loved one; in order to concentrate, the relatives removed all the “irritants.”

Today this tradition has become obsolete. It is completely incomprehensible why those who do not have huge crystal chandeliers and expensive shiny furniture in their homes hang up mirrors. The new context of this story with the reflection of the soul in the mirror is nothing more than an ingrained superstition.

Money and his favorite things should be placed in the coffin of the deceased.

People try to fit earthly passions and financial schemes even into the afterlife. To ensure the deceased a comfortable stay in the next world, they put phones, money, favorite clothes, and so on in the coffin.

Why does a dead man need money? Do dollars or euros have value in eternal life? Some people give this explanation for the popular superstition: so that the deceased can pay to enter heaven. Doesn't remind you of anything? In Greek mythology, a person could not easily get into the Kingdom of the Dead; to do this, he had to swim across the River Styx. The cab driver Charon helped to cross to the other side, so he was paid for the services rendered.

In many ancient civilizations, favorite things, food, clothes were also placed in a coffin or crypt; it even went so far as to kill a wife, concubines, and servants in order to ensure a carefree stay for a person beyond the coffin.

But does a dead man need money? There is no way to buy a place in heaven, because people get there only for a righteous life and sincere repentance of sins.

Does the departed person need another mobile phone, a favorite toy or expensive clothes? What is this: folk superstitions in a new way? An immortal soul will not need food, fashionable clothes or communication items. She finds herself in a world where there is no space and time. The soul, as an immortal substance, simply does not need food, clothing and luxury items.

It is better to distribute these items to those in need. Almsgiving is considered one of the effective types of assistance to the deceased.

The deceased's belongings must be burned.

Is it necessary to burn the deceased's belongings? Many say yes, because along with these things a certain energy is transmitted. For those who especially defend this popular superstition, we advise you to burn your grandmother’s apartment, your father’s savings and your mother’s jewelry. Usually, when it comes to something valuable, people take back their words.

If a person dear to you has passed away into eternity and you are trying to quickly get rid of bitter memories and everything that tears your heart, do not rush to burn everything. It's better to give things away to those in need.

Usually only towels after washing and the bed on which the deceased lay are burned. Why not give the clothes that he wore during his life to others? You can keep something as a keepsake.

Is there any more or less logical explanation for the funeral superstition for those who like to burn?

It can be assumed that during infectious epidemics it was desirable to set fire to the things of the dead so that these objects would not cause infection to others.

You can find a second explanation for lovers of magic. Things carry a certain energy. And if a person was sick for a long time, then, accordingly, he attracted negative energy to himself. What if the deceased previously suffered from some kind of mental disorder? A Christian should not be afraid of this. And if any doubts still arise, you can always pray, cross things and sprinkle them with holy water.

Why do people eat with spoons at funerals?

Surely you have seen this picture more than once: a memorial dinner for the deceased, and only spoons were used as cutlery.

Under no circumstances should you use knives and forks! So why then put baked meat or pancakes on the table, which you can hardly handle with just a spoon?

Historians explain this deep-rooted funeral superstition with the reforms of Peter I. It was under this emperor that the tradition of using a fork and knife appeared. But the Russian people did not like both objects: the knife was also associated with a murder weapon, and the fork was a devil with horns. The spoon seemed much more harmless.

The second version is related to the possibility of redistribution of the property of the deceased. Allegedly, different relatives will come to the wake; they may not agree with the will. That’s when the piercing and cutting ones will come into play.

Another option for explaining the popular superstition: if you commemorate with vodka, then after a second or third glass someone may accidentally hit a neighbor. Or do it rashly, under the influence of alcohol.

It is also customary to cook for a funeral kolivo- a ritual dish of wheat or rice with honey and dried fruits. The most convenient way to eat this kutya is with a spoon. Lovers of superstitions also found their justification: if you pierce a stake with a fork, the deceased will feel bad.

What can you say in these situations? A wake is an opportunity to combine two types of help for the deceased: prayer and alms (funeral dinner). You shouldn’t turn them into a quarrel between heirs or a drinking party for everyone. Alcohol and excess food should be avoided in favor of time for reminiscing and prayer.

The deceased will not care whether you serve 10 dishes or 25; when serving, you use only spoons or also forks and knives. If you also care about the convenience of your guests, then forks will definitely not hurt. Popular superstitions with a ban on the “horned” device definitely have nothing Christian.

After the deceased, the house needs to be rededicated

For the first man, death was something unnatural, and it entered the world only after the Fall.

For many saints, departure to another world was a joyful event - a Christian finally met God. The Liturgy was celebrated at the graves of the first Christians, in the catacombs. To this day, the Liturgy is celebrated on the relics of the martyrs. Not everyone knows about this, but in the altar a special quadrangular board is laid on the altar, into which a piece of the relics of the martyrs is sewn. This board is called antiminsom.

Even those far from the Church respect the remains of saints, and believers venerate them as the greatest shrine. As already mentioned at the beginning of the article, during the Second Coming of Christ all people will be resurrected in their bodies.

So why are we so afraid of living in a house where the body of a deceased person was located for some time? Do we consider such a stay a desecration of the home? Are we calling a priest to re-bless the house?

How to overcome these and other folk superstitions associated with funeral themes? Christian life. If a person becomes Orthodox not nominally - he was baptized in childhood - but in practice, then the place of prejudices and pagan rituals is replaced from his life by prayer, mercy, and love. Or common sense.

Superstitions associated with funerals and cemeteries are also discussed in this video conversation with a priest:

Take it for yourself and tell your friends!

Table signs

Before the reign of Peter the Great, the Russian people generally ate only with spoons. The appearance of forks on the tables did not cause delight. They were compared to the devil's tails and pitchforks, which are used to torture sinners. People who were especially attached to old ways of life believed that the appearance of this cutlery was another tool "king-antichrist" against Christian souls.

Over time, the fork still took root in Russia. But they still didn’t use it at wakes because of its “satanic” appearance. This tradition has survived to this day. In Old Believers communities, to this day they only eat with spoons.

Another reason for the absence of forks on the funeral table is the fear of disturbing the peace of the deceased. The fact is that kutia, one of the obligatory treats, symbolizes the Kingdom of Heaven. If you poke ritual food with a knife or fork, you can disturb the dead. However, most funeral dishes are not very convenient to eat. Traditionally these are kutia, pancakes and jelly.

Popular beliefs, as we know, are often rational. Thus, the use of sharp cutlery can be explained as an attempt to prevent fights with stabbings. Even the most distant relatives come to the wake, who may not miss the chance to recall old grievances to each other. In addition, in the old days, the division of inheritance began almost immediately.

From a bioenergetics perspective, energy drains from the sharp ends of forks and knives. Therefore, the ban on their use is caused by the need to protect those who remember from energy attacks. The astral body of the deceased may be close to loved ones, and such an attack can cause pain to him too. It is known that the energy at funerals and wakes is not very positive.

By the way, despite the superstitions that circulate among the people, the church allows the use of a knife and fork during the funeral meal.

Alcohol superstitions - remembering alcohol

A glass of vodka near the portrait of the deceased and the statement that You need to drink at least one glass for the peace of your soul- everyone knows all this. However, is it possible to drink alcohol at a wake? Where did this tradition come from?

The Church has a negative attitude towards drinking at funerals. This applies to vodka, wine, and other alcoholic drinks. Thus, wine is a symbol of earthly joy, which is inappropriate at a funeral meal. Eyewitnesses who have been in the next world said that the suffering of a person who was killed by alcohol increases many times over.

It is not difficult to understand why it is impossible to commemorate with vodka from a Christian point of view. Alcoholism is a sin, but the relatives gathered at the table in order to contribute with their kind words and prayer to the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased. It is not permissible to ask God for forgiveness and sin at the same time. People say that God punishes the children of those who drank wine or vodka at the funeral table with alcoholism.

The tradition of drinking alcohol at cemeteries, funerals and wakes is not a tribute to ancient traditions, but a relatively modern stereotype. He had already acquired various beliefs, for example, that one should not clink glasses at a mournful feast. So is it possible to drink at a wake when almost everyone does it? We advise you not to do this. There are not even ancient signs on this topic, because it never occurred to our ancestors to drink alcohol at a funeral meal.

Is it possible to take food home?

It is known that food from the cemetery is not eaten. This is to some extent allowed only to those who have no other way to obtain food other than to take a memorial from the grave. But is it possible to take food home from the funeral?

The food from the funeral table is intended to feed as many people as possible. It is customary to distribute the leftovers to those in need. This food does not carry any negativity. It was prepared so that people could treat themselves and during the meal remember the bright deeds of the deceased during his lifetime.

You can also give food to those who came to honor the deceased with them. Was something handed down for you from a wake where your loved one was present? Help yourself, remember the deceased person, wish him peace. True, there is one “but” here. Witchcraft is often performed on funeral dishes for various purposes. Therefore, do not take them from the hands of those who may wish you harm.

If there is anything left after the feast, you can take the treats with you. But you can’t throw them away; it’s better to give the leftovers to the animals.

During the mournful meal, a portrait of the deceased is displayed, and next to him - a glass of water and a piece of bread. Anyone who drinks or eats his treat will get sick and die soon. It should not even be given to animals.

Funeral menu - about sweets and more

Distributing sweets on funeral days is an old tradition. This is often done in cemeteries; do not be afraid of such gifts.

You cannot eat only those treats that you have previously lay on the graves. Such sweets are intended for the deceased. Traditionally, only people living in need can take them.

Concerns may be caused by the fact that any funeral dishes, including sweets, can be cast with a love spell or damage. Therefore, you should not eat what was received from the hands of a person who may wish you harm. Strangers with sweets often do not need to be frightened - they are simply observing an ancient funeral tradition.

Should pregnant women go to funerals?

It is known that they are not recommended to go to the cemetery and attend funerals. They should not go to the wake, which, in fact, is a logical continuation of the funeral. The energy there is still the same - grief, death, grief. If it is possible to refuse remembering, it is better to do so. If farewell to the deceased can be considered a necessary event, then a wake is no longer there.

The biofield of a pregnant woman is poorly protected. But she is responsible not only for herself, but also for the child. Feeding on its energy will not be at all against the essence, which is attracted by the strong negative emotions of a large number of people.

The Church does not prohibit pregnant women from going to memorial dinners, funerals and cemeteries. However, it does not oblige you to do this. If your health does not allow you to be present, you can visit a church instead of a cemetery, light a candle for the repose of your soul, and order a prayer service.

Other superstitions at funerals

It is extremely important to observe folk signs at funerals. The quality of the afterlife of a person who has passed into another world depends on this. So, at a memorial dinner, one is supposed to remember only his good deeds and character traits. Leave the discussion of the shortcomings. About the dead - either good or nothing. This proverb was not invented for nothing.

Signs after a funeral advise, upon returning from the cemetery, to warm your hands over the flame of a candle, preferably a church one. But after the cemetery they usually go straight to the funeral. Before eating, you are supposed to wash your hands, and this rule replaces the candle omen. Don't worry about eating a piece of dead energy. When washing your hands, water will wash it away.

A wake is not a time for tears. You cannot cry a lot for the deceased, otherwise he will choke in the afterlife. Laughing is also not recommended. Anyone who laughs at a wake will soon shed many tears.

In general, there are many funeral signs. Some of them are relatively recent, but most superstitions are hundreds, if not thousands of years old. They are intended to teach the correct behavior of those who remember, because it determines where the soul of the deceased will go after death.