Lonely without a man. Relationships: female loneliness, worse than that. You are lonely because you are suffering

And for some reason it is not customary to discuss the loneliness of men. A man is most often considered free, so few people know the true causes of male loneliness.

As a rule, when a girl does not get married for a long time, her friends and close relatives begin to show anxiety. The attitude towards men is quite different. It seems that a woman is simply obliged to start a family while she is young, but a man has nowhere to hurry.

It is generally accepted that it is extremely undesirable to delay girlhood, and a man who has lived to be single to middle age is a normal phenomenon, like the loneliness of a man itself. All this is explained by simple conclusions: a woman should bear and give birth to children, but a man is not required to do this.

This is also emphasized by the fact that often after the age of 30, childbirth and pregnancy in a woman can occur with complications. For these reasons, women tend to get married as early as possible. However, the testimony of psychological research suggests that with age, the ability to become a father for a man is significantly reduced.

A too long period of male loneliness can affect male potency, and can also cause severe moral damage. In this regard, psychologists recommend that men marry young, thereby avoiding the problem of male loneliness.

Causes of male loneliness

Those who stand on the side of advocating late marriages and female and male loneliness are sure that you first need to live for your own pleasure, while not denying yourself travel around the world, free spending money and constant new acquaintances for love affairs and passionate entertainment. These arguments include chaotic sexual relations. The result of the loneliness of men is their own vision of intimacy: since marriage does not shine in the near future, then you should not think about what the chosen one will be today. There is sometimes a heavy price to pay for such reasoning. The consequences are venereal diseases, in some cases a loss of self-confidence, and sometimes vice versa, the acquisition of a sense of permissiveness.

The lack of need to care for loved ones and responsibilities gradually lead to a change in personality and damage to character. As a result of such male loneliness, a narcissistic person appears who does not want to sacrifice himself, avoiding worldly anxieties and joys. If it is not possible to form a family and the man remains alone until old age, then often he turns out to be an old bachelor, who is characterized as a cold cynic, or as a sad skeptic, or simply as an unhappy person, adding to the statistics of loneliness of men. Moreover, whatever the result in life, all bachelors are convinced that there is neither selfless love nor female fidelity in the world.

Psychologists have written many monographs and dissertations about the causes of male loneliness. Most experts tend to distinguish two groups of single men:

• the first group includes those who remain lonely due to their personal characteristics;
• the second group are people with spiritual features who cannot step over their prejudices.

Everyone wants to avoid stressful situations. For many, new acquaintances bring a number of experiences, doubts, and require significant mental strength. Relationships involve communication, and a man will have to talk about himself, about his past life. He will anxiously await the assessment of the chosen one, because in his words she may not like something.

Where is the root of the problem and how to get rid of it?

Very often, a man does not know how to communicate with the opposite sex due to psychological trauma in childhood. Perhaps he once liked a girl who abruptly refused or offended. It is important to work out this reason, think it over and smile at her 🙂

1. Excessive attachment to mother. Start building your new life!
2. Egoism and infantilism. The childish behavior of men and the lack of independence repels women.
3. Loneliness is like spiritual growth. At a certain point, a man realizes that he does not need love and does not want to burden himself with emotional experiences. Be less callous and open yourself up to the world around you.
4. Social phobia. The cause of social phobia may be early social development in childhood. For example, when a child was taken to first grade early, at a time when he was not ready for this. This is a serious fear and psychological trauma.
5. Psychopathology. Depression, alcoholism and various psychological illnesses are the main cause of a person's isolation. He repels those around him with his gloominess.

Single men increase their self-esteem, become self-confident, and then strive to maintain their position, the main advantage of which they consider freedom. Few people can say “stop” to themselves and think about the fact that it's time to switch from a career to creating a family. Male loneliness becomes habitual for them and, in their opinion, a natural state.

To rethink his attitude to his personal life, a man should take a blank sheet of paper and write on it the pros of male loneliness, its negative aspects, and directions for further action.

1. The idea that a person should come to terms with his loneliness is untenable. He cannot and should not be alone, and all the "calming" theories about self-sufficiency are not confirmed by anything. This is a manifestation of escapism, instead of finding the right solutions, a person moves away from the problem, becoming even more isolated in himself.
2. To change your state is to acquire faith in yourself and your strengths. You can not justify failures in your personal life by the lack of masculinity, the necessary material condition or gentleness of character. You should tune in to decisive and courageous actions, otherwise you will not succeed in defeating loneliness.
3. When changing yourself for the better, you should not choose a path that will lead to the development of aggression, anger, and even cruelty. After all, being a man does not mean behaving like a wild male. This is an extreme that should be avoided. It is much more preferable to become fearless, but at the same time noble and restrained, purposeful. You need to get rid of the negativity received as a result of previous failures, and not transfer it to new life pages. All relationships should start from scratch.
4. If a man positions himself as weak, soft and compliant, and does not want to change anything in himself, it is worth reconsidering the approach to choosing his soul mate. After all, you can meet strong and self-sufficient women who prefer to have just such partners. Loneliness will be over, and the rest of the development of the relationship will depend on the two of you.
5. Those representatives of the stronger sex who are afraid to be close to more successful ladies should be set as a goal to achieve career and professional growth, which will put both on the same level. This is a fairly productive approach that will serve as an additional incentive for the development of a man.

How men escape loneliness

Male loneliness forces one to seek salvation in communication with friends, in sports activities, in clubs and organizations. A person seeks to find solace, to feel needed, to find recognition.

With such approaches, the solution of the problem can only be postponed, because this is only a temporary solution that will not change the situation as a whole. A person will remain lonely in the circle of like-minded people, and in the gym, and at home. Male loneliness will be in him, and he will not be able to hide from him. The worst-case scenario could be an overindulgence in alcohol, casual relationships, and dubious companies. A person runs the risk of falling into the abyss, and he should change his mind and reconsider his behavior.

Sooner or later, all friends will have families. Interest clubs will become unattractive, and meetings for intimate relations with frivolous women will exhaust all spiritual resources. If we do not forget that the years go by, then in five or six years it will be very difficult, almost impossible, to catch up.

One person cannot be. He still needs a companion with whom he would share all the joys and sorrows, whose support he could count on in any situation. Therefore, there is no reason to cling to male loneliness, it has never brought happiness to anyone, no matter how those who are proud of their imaginary freedom and seeming independence try to convince him of this.

If you want to start changing from today, then we offer you one effective method. Daily, as a prayer, repeat the following expressions to yourself (or better, print them out and hang them on the wall by the bed):

• I am surrounded by many interesting people;
• I am kind to others;
• I easily meet nice people;
• when communicating with others, I feel joyful and warm in my soul;
• I begin to feel self-confidence;
• I have a lot of energy;
• I am ready to give love and be loved.

Remember, you are a man, be a lion and a tiger!

Forced or voluntary loneliness should not control a person's actions. In any situation there are pluses, they are also in the fact that now you do not have a loved one. Right now the time has come to live for yourself, to do what you have long dreamed of, but did not find the strength and free minutes for it.

How to live without men? Yes Easy! Think less that your situation is flawed, enjoy more a life in which there are no unnecessary obligations.. But these are not all secrets.

Loneliness is not a sentence

If you learn to find the positives in any situation, you will stop worrying about so many questions.. For example, loneliness is a subjective feeling that does not depend on whether a person has close people or not. You can feel happy without a man if there is a passion that all areas of life obey. For some it is work, for others it is children, for others it is self-expression, for others it is helping others. Do you have an idea that is a perpetual motion machine? If not, find it.

Lack of love is temporary

Who said that a man should be at all stages of a woman's life? There must be a time when you need to collect your thoughts, determine life guidelines, and another person, even the most beloved one, will distort true thoughts and interfere with the inner conversation. Since you don’t have a man now, you just need to do a rethinking of values.

Do not isolate yourself from people

It is very important to be constantly in contact with the outside world. . If you close on yourself, you will begin to sink into despondency, and there it is not far from depression. Do not feel sorry for yourself, many would envy your position, especially those who hastened to get married and give birth to children. You also have the main advantage - free time. So use it well. Be sure to keep in touch with old friends and make new ones.

Spend your free time talking to interesting people who, just like you, are completely on their own. Who knows, maybe among them there is the man with whom you build a harmonious relationship. Take care of those who need help, so you will feel needed, and this will definitely not let thoughts of loneliness get the better of you.

Travel. Fill every day with new emotions and impressions. Years later, when you are happily married, remember that amazing time when so many amazing things happened in your life. Make it so that you really have something to remember.

Male loneliness has long ceased to be a unique phenomenon. Formally, every sixth man is single, and every fifth is actually single. The stereotype that a bachelor looks like an unshaven, tastelessly dressed and constantly hungry man is a relic of the past. A modern single representative of the stronger sex, most often well-dressed, trim and perfectly shaved.

He cooks wonderfully, can easily iron trousers or a shirt, and his apartment is always in perfect order. From the material side, the loner does not experience problems. But, it should be noted that all this applies only to men who do not abuse alcohol.

However, the psycho-emotional state, due to loneliness, especially in men, if they are over 40, is quite deplorable. Of course, exceptions to the rule are possible, but according to statistics, singles live 5-10 years less than family people.

The first step is acceptance of loneliness

First of all, before you get rid of loneliness, considering ways to deal with it, you need a clear understanding of the fact that you are still alone. Many people, even in private, cannot recognize this. You should seriously think about the situation that has developed around you, and realistically assess the state of affairs. So, after the phase of awareness of your loneliness, you need to do the following:

• After realizing abandonment, express your feelings about this, in actions or deeds. It will be great if you start a diary in which you display your thoughts with maximum sincerity.
• If you are a creative person, take up writing music, playing musical instruments, or painting. The meaning of these actions is to convey the essence of loneliness in full, and through creativity, all the negativity could find a way out.
• One should feel and understand forever the difference between loneliness and solitude. In the first case, a man suffers from abandonment, it brings him pain, he is very worried about this. For a man, if he survived a breakup, it’s hard, without communication with an individual, he may need a familiar lifestyle, in a big company, etc. In the second case, a person receives pleasure from the silence around him, and from the internal state when he is alone with his own "I".

Loneliness should not be confused with the state if a man lives, for some reason, isolated from society, while not losing the desire to communicate.

How to overcome loneliness for a man?

Once you've worked effectively on accepting abandonment, you need to begin a full-blown fight against this condition.

Enjoy privacy

As mentioned earlier, solitude is fundamentally different from loneliness. Therefore, try to enjoy spending time alone with your "I".

When seclusion starts to bother you, do not become intrusive in relation to the people who ship you. To overcome this unpleasant state of thirst for communication, walking and cycling will help, with headphones in your ears that play your favorite music. Well removes psychological stress, swimming in the pool or open water.

When secluded, do not pinch yourself in a certain framework. Learn to get along with yourself, stop being dependent on society, feel free.

Very good if you enjoy reading. Books should be chosen in such a way that they are, for example, trilogies, or higher. Read books one after another, and by doing this you will not only increase your erudition, but also spend time with pleasure.

Also, men should not forget about such a physiological need as sex. Regular classes with it are the prevention of various male diseases that may occur due to stagnation in the pelvic organs. For example, abstinence can provoke the development of prostatitis or vesiculitis, as well as the development of cysts in these organs.

If, due to loneliness, full-fledged sex is almost impossible, then men are advised to do “discharge” on their own, at least 2-3 times a week, in order to maintain normal male health.

Get a pet

It is quite difficult for a man, like a woman, to live alone, so the appearance of a four-legged pet in the house will have a positive effect on the situation. After all, pets are the best and most devoted friends. They are able to wait for the owner home for days, and when he returns, they are always sincerely happy. Get yourself a dog, and her love for you will bring new colors to your life.

But it should be understood that a pet is not a toy. He will have to be looked after, taken for walks, bought food for him, vaccinated. If additional employment is not a hindrance for you, then the problem of how to deal with loneliness will be solved by itself.

get busy

When doing nothing, a person has a lot of time, as a result of which, he may have obsessive thoughts, leading to stiffness and self-doubt. At this moment, unfortunately, there is no one to talk to, everyone is busy with something, and the individual begins to feel very lonely.

Lounging is highly discouraged if you are seriously concerned with the problem of how to get rid of loneliness. Try to score your day "to the eyeballs." If you have a free minute, take a walk, go to the gym, redo your household chores, etc. If you find yourself a hobby, then it will also fill all your free time. At the same time, all the obsessive thoughts that you are abandoned by everyone, which once led you to a depressed state, will appear less and less, and soon will go away forever.

Once you find something you love, move in that direction. Attend various educational events, meet new people with the same interests as you. Some of them may become your friends in the future, the question of how to overcome loneliness will be decided by itself.

Get serious about sports

It's no secret that a beautiful, toned body increases a man's self-esteem, and physical activity itself improves mood. Buy a gym membership and don't miss your workouts. Visit stores that sell sports nutrition. A healthy lifestyle should be your priority.

Also, martial arts (karate, judo, kickboxing, aikido and others) are wonderful sports options for men. Regularly studying in sections, you will no doubt find people with similar interests with whom it will not be boring to spend your free time.

If it is not possible to attend sports sections, you can do morning jogging in the park, and in winter - skiing. Forget the elevator, get into the habit of walking up to your floor. If the distance to your place of work is not too great, be sure to walk to it.

Some men, due to their individual characteristics of the psyche, find it very difficult to cope with abandonment, and even more so, to decide on their own how to overcome it. All their attempts to change the situation for the better lead to disappointment, and often to prolonged depression. In this case, the help of a psychologist will be extremely important.

Do not "drown" in the social. networks

Remember, the internet can never replace face-to-face communication. You should not plunge headlong into the virtual world and isolate yourself from society in this way, finding solace in such communication. In addition to harmful addiction, virtual friendship will not end in anything good.

• Use social networks to communicate with friends, within reason, and only to set up a real meeting in a cafe, cinema, or other place to relax.
• Join various interest groups, and also strive to meet people who are interesting to you.
• Before each new meeting, study well the information about the person with whom you are going to meet. Do not drag out a meeting in the real world for a long time. Try to meet new acquaintances as soon as possible. Otherwise, they may lose interest in you. Why date people who don't care about you?

It is very important for a man to maintain a positive mood in any situation, especially if he communicates with people unfamiliar to him. Complaining about your hard life, or about your former half, is a sign of weakness and cowardice. Remember, to show weakness in any matter is unacceptable for a man.

Loneliness of women is not uncommon. It's only when it touches you that it really hurts.

Tired of the feeling of loneliness... Girlfriends, classmates and sisters have long been under reliable male protection. There is happiness in relationships. It is unbearable and terrible to be alone. There is no point in rushing home. The oppressive loneliness from the lack of a relationship with a man leads to despair. The constant feeling of uselessness to experience is unbearable.

Loneliness: why?

A person should be in a pair - so laid down by nature. When you are only 20+, you are a student, and your whole life is ahead, you can answer the questions of others about your marital status, which is still too early. The older, the more the question of loneliness, in addition to its inner emptiness, is added by the interest of acquaintances, moreover, pathological: “How, not yet married, are you tired of being alone?” After such communication, you feel bad. In order not to experience the emotionally depressing justification of loneliness, you try to meet your acquaintances less often, get rid of questions.

The role of a woman is to be a mother, to create harmony and comfort in the family. A woman who realizes herself in family life looks at this world with her eyes without longing. Loneliness does not bring happiness to anyone. A woman needs to be in a couple, not only for complete protection and security from a man and creating a family, but also for self-realization in society.

Why loneliness does not occur in every woman, is it possible to cope with it? Let's turn to Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology.

Overcoming Loneliness: Types of Loneliness

Loneliness in women has different causes:

- women are absolutely single, who do not have a partner and do not strive for this;

Unmarried, periodically creating relationships, but not having close emotional contact with a man;

Resigned to loneliness as an inevitability, but internally wanting to be in emotional and intimate contact with a man.

Often there are lonely women with a visual vector who want to be loved, but do not receive love. And so they remain lonely.

As the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows, the giving of feelings includes receiving pleasure from relationships. "Love me and I will enjoy your love for me" does not bring joy and satisfaction from the senses and deprives a woman of the ability to create harmonious relationships.

Owners of the sound vector are not emotional, like visual women. Outwardly they seem cold. They find it difficult to form emotional bonds. Such a woman has a feeling of loneliness together. A sound woman can be asexual and live alone. the sound vector significantly lowers sexual desire. But, knowing the peculiarities of the psyche of the owner of the sound vector, it is possible to reveal her feminine essence. Only by differentiating the types of loneliness can one work with the cause of a woman's loneliness.

Loneliness is not the norm, but it is common

Girls in childhood receive a sense of security and safety from their parents. Dad gives this fundamental feeling to mom, and the child receives this feeling for himself from the good psychological state of the mother.

During the period of growing up, the girl strives to become a "husband's wife." To feel like in a father's house, only now from her husband to receive protection and alimony, and as a result, procreation. Such is the female nature - to be a mother. But there are other women for whom it is not so important to be a mother and create harmony in the family. This applies to skin-visual women and skin-sound. For them, loneliness is not often a problem.

Loneliness of women: Causes

The cause of a woman's loneliness may be an event seen in childhood that is very traumatic for the psyche. If dad used violence against mom, then these incidents from childhood leave their mark and have consequences in adulthood. A daughter in the future, not realizing this, may be afraid of men. Will be deprived of the ability to build normal relationships.

Resentment against the father, and the owner of the anal vector has a phenomenal memory, during the formation of marital relations will result in complete distrust of the male sex. Relationships hurt, that's her experience. The loneliness of a woman with an anal vector can also be due to any bad first experience.

As a rule, such a woman chooses a skin man as a pair. In the absence of implementation or in stress, the novelty factor pulls him to change partners. The only factor of excitement, a taste for life - a new woman. It happens that a skin rogue, a sexy user, purposefully seduces a woman and subsequently leaves her.

If a woman with an anal vector, faithful and devoted, is faced with a cheating partner, she will be afraid to enter the next relationship in the future, for fear of repeating a similar scenario. He wants to create a relationship, because he has a huge sexual potential, but the fear of stepping on the same rake makes it impossible to trust a man. Because of the bad experience of past relationships, a woman dooms herself to loneliness.

The same scenario of draining relationships to third parties applies not only to visual women, but to everyone else, only to a lesser extent. It’s just that the owners of the visual vector are able to create emotional connections with everyone, whether it’s a close friend, a neighbor or a man.

The woman herself does not understand how it happened that she let loneliness into her life. The worst thing is that this scenario can be repeated over and over again. There are meetings, acquaintances - and complete loneliness. The woman who is potentially capable of the greatest love is lonely.

In the event that the owner of the visual vector loses her emotional connection with her partner, for example, due to parting, she can “fall through” for a long time into a feeling of longing from loneliness. Parting is a small death for a visual person. Feelings of fear for your life and a feeling of longing does not make it possible to create a new connection. Lack of understanding of their desires leads to loneliness.

Emptiness and loneliness together

The sound woman is a mystery. Smart, not every man can handle. Outwardly, she looks unemotional, but inside - a storm of emotions. Such a woman can be interested in meanings about something more than the material world. Talking about worldly affairs is primitive for such a woman. But to talk about the meaning of life, questions of the universe, classical music, philosophy and literature - this can be of interest.

Often, loneliness is the life partner of the owner of the sound vector. The man reveals the woman. And in the case of it, delicacy and knowledge of how to do this is necessary. Because paired with a sound woman, you can achieve unearthly love. Literally. Of course, the ideal couple of such a woman is a man with a sound vector. They have something to talk about and even be silent. They are on the same wavelength, understand each other at a glance. Men without a sound vector are often not attractive to a sound woman, and she prefers to be alone than to live with an uninteresting partner.

A woman with a visual vector reaches out to a man with a sound vector, they are interested in together, potentially a stable relationship. When a woman with a sound vector marries a man with a visual vector, it can be more difficult for them. If a sound woman is not able to create an emotional connection with a visual man, then loneliness sets in together in a couple. Against this background, she may develop depression.

Loneliness is not for me: I am a woman, and that says it all

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan teaches to understand oneself and see the desires of a partner, which removes the feeling of inner loneliness in both. This is the key to building harmonious relationships. Understanding her man as herself, a woman no longer experiences contradictions that go against her own ideas. It is possible to understand what can be expected from a partner and what is a priori impossible.

If loneliness stands in the way of happiness, then it is possible to overcome it. Listen to how those who went through the online training in system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan did it:

“...Virtual life has been replaced by real life. And I can’t even convey how cool it is ... What I thought was so real turned out to be a husk and an escape from my fears. I stopped seeing value in it, switching to real people. I began to sleep better, my appetite and well-being improved, I got involved in the work and realized how much ENERGY the network took from me. There was some kind of upheaval inside, and it looks like awakening after a deep freeze, which without SVP could well lead to irreparable consequences...

I reached out to people, and they reached out to me. I like it when I do what makes my family, friends and just other people happy, whom I don’t even know sometimes, I feel a surge of vivacity and energy in myself, and now I can say with confidence: I LOVE YOU, LIFE! ..."
Julia G., Makeevka

The article was written using the materials of Yuri Burlan's online training "System-Vector Psychology"