Many letters are difficult for me to even read, because they contain endless descriptions of humiliation. It seems that some women read my blog in hopes of unearthing evidence that humiliation will eventually bear fruit of success.

This is something opposite in essence - success and humiliation. Sometimes you can achieve success, despite humiliation, if you have a lot of resources or you manage to pull yourself together and get up from your knees. But it is impossible to achieve success through humiliation. Humiliation destroys you, makes you weak, pathetic and ugly. Humiliation itself takes away resources.

I want to give excerpts from three letters about how normal women slip into a deep minus and lose themselves because they do not understand that they cannot humiliate themselves. It is forbidden to humiliate yourself if you want respect and love. Do you understand?

Each of the authors of these letters tries to present her humiliations as beautiful behavior: feminine, loving, spontaneous. But there can be nothing feminine or spontaneous in humiliation. A humiliated woman turns into Velcro, losing not only her spontaneity, but also her femininity.

Traditionally, a man had to take care of his honor, and a woman had to take care of her pride. By feminine pride we mean this refusal to humiliate ourselves, despite any dependence. This is really very important for a woman. A man begging for love is a romantic hero (not always, of course, however, there is such an image in the collective unconscious, in literature and art, and it can even be beautiful, if appropriate), but there is no beautiful image of a woman kneeling and begging a man to condescend to have sex with her. It's clear?

We look at the letters (or rather, excerpts from letters, since the letters are very long).

1. "Having consolidated his success, he went on the offensive"

“...I broke down at the next incident. We were in a cafe and started a discussion. They seemed to have calmed down, and then Sasha finished his dinner, said that he was in no mood, he was going home, plopped the money on the table and left. I went home, I was very excited, because... I understood that with his behavior like this, I needed to take a tough position at the risk of breaking up.

The next day he called me and said that our conversation yesterday had unpleasantly struck him, that I had expressed a very mercantile and cynical position, and he had many poor but highly spiritual friends whom I had mixed up with dirt, and now he simply does not understand, How can he continue to build a relationship with me? (In fact, the conversation revolved around whether the absence of a family is freedom and whether a person who has obligations to children, a spouse, or elderly parents has the right to suddenly refuse a profitable job to find himself).

I sighed with relief, saying that he simply misunderstood me, and began to explain what exactly he meant. I crushed him with logic, he changed his anger to mercy. But I never made any complaints about his behavior in the cafe and did not demand an apology.

Then we decided to plan a short vacation together. We went to a travel agency to visit a friend of mine. There we started talking like two experienced travelers, Sasha was presented with a list of finalist travel packages, and we had to make the final choice at home. It seemed like they had even chosen it, but at the last moment Sasha refused to go pay for the ticket, saying he suddenly didn’t feel like it anymore.

Instead of a trip abroad, we went out of town for the weekend. During the day, Sasha was quite cheerful, but in the evening he began to get irritated, he was angry with everything: that I accidentally pulled out his earphone, that the dessert I had chosen took a long time to bring, etc. On the contrary, I was drawn to him, I wanted to relieve his irritation, but he became more and more angry and in the room he began to snap in a boorish manner.

Having consolidated his success, Sasha went on the offensive. He began to tell me that I was not behaving like a woman, that my determination and cleverness disgusted him, and perhaps not only him, since I was still not married, etc. He started to scare me that he would leave. I was still afraid, I tried to behave more softly (but it probably came out intrusive and obsequious, and I felt this stickiness in my behavior, which reminded me of how my mother tries to communicate with me, disguising claims as obsequiousness).”

See how a typical plus behaves.

He is irritated by everything, he is not in the mood, he finds fault with words, he starts quarrels out of nowhere, leaves in the middle of dinner, turns around halfway, refuses a planned trip (perhaps he would have indulged at her expense), criticizes and blames the minus for that he is not trying hard enough. This is especially intensified in the evening, because the time for sex is approaching. And the plus one doesn’t want to, although he may feel complexes because of this, thinking that he’s probably a log, but also angry at the minus for this too.

The only motive of a plus is to avoid intimacy with a minus, but since he cannot break hard for a hundred reasons (otherwise he would not be a plus), he finds fault and looks for reasons, unconsciously, or puts forward a hundred conditions under which he would agree to continue. In this letter, Plus constantly tells the woman that if she were more feminine, flexible, compliant and comfortable in everyday life, he could be with her.

And she is seriously racking her brains about how to become more feminine, believing that this is the point.

The million conditions under which a plus agrees to stay in a relationship are his sincere attempts to push in the unfit for it, that is, to push a woman who is disgusted with him into the image of a seductive nymph. You can't fit it in.

What does a minus girl do? She endlessly lies to herself, just to avoid the stress of separation. She is ready to be humiliated, thinking that this will allow her to stay in the relationship and get into balance. Humiliation does not help bring balance! Remember. You are choosing not between leaving or staying in a relationship, but between leaving and falling into a hole and being thrown out a little later. Realize this, understand it, and leave before you throw it out. It’s true that it’s better to leave correctly, and not anyhow. But it’s better to leave ugly and any way you like than to remain in an imbalance, agreeing to humiliation.

Look how the author of this passage lies to himself. “He just misunderstood me,” “I crushed him with logic,” but the most amazing thing: “Having consolidated his success, he went on the offensive.” What success? In the author's fantasy, is the man conquering her all this time? He doesn’t know how to get rid of it so as not to feel guilty for breaking up, he has no success and there is no attack on it either. He's backing away! And he snaps.

And she, despite the obvious disgust of her partner, wants to “relieve his irritation” with her affection.

Affection and closeness cannot relieve the irritation of a plus! Remember! It’s the closeness and affection that infuriates him. Leave and disappear quickly, only then will you relieve his irritation. And he himself will come if you managed to do it quickly. Only then you can’t be clingy, but you need to respect yourself.

2. "The pleasure was mutual"

"A little about sex with him. He always (both the first time and further) handed over the “steering wheel” to me, and he preferred to go with the flow. He didn’t have any fantasies (I asked carefully about his desires), that’s enough in itself passive, but supported my initiatives. The pleasure was mutual, but thanks to my efforts, mainly. He said that it was always like this, that for him sex is very secondary, he doesn’t particularly care about quality, there is no desire to try and invent, although he likes it when he gets a good job And I did good things to him, and I praised him very much for any actions.

After the first time, everything gradually began to change. Within one week, he lost the desire to go for walks often and accompany me home. I asked what was the reason for the changes (in all my previous relationships there was no such a sharp change in behavior in men; somehow everything always went smoothly). He replied that he used to be active because of desire, now it is satisfied and he has become calmer, he can continue to live a normal life and not think about sex. I was slightly upset by this interpretation, but did not argue, realizing that this was due to a long absence of relationships.

Walking became 1-2 times a week after work. Plus, communication at work. Soon I went on vacation with my child. We constantly corresponded on Facebook and engaged in virtual flirting. We agreed on a date after I returned from vacation (again, I suggested, he said - of course, go ahead!). The meeting went in the same vein as the first, both felt good, but, with His guidance, I had the steering wheel all the time. He made it clear - let me do what I want myself, and He likes everything.

Two months had passed since we started dating, and he seemed to be getting irritated. He could make fun of some of my remarks, not write on Facebook, and then get angry if I asked why He didn’t write anything, if everything was okay. In response, I was also angry, because He began to challenge me to argue, he was fuming, he could send with the words “That’s it, I’m tired of communication, I went to rest.”

Somehow everything floated and went. During this same period, I accidentally (from photos on Facebook) found out that he was hanging out with another girl on the weekend. He had plenty of girls as friends, mainly two categories - exes: friend zone, and potential candidates. He maintained correspondence with the potential ones for a long time, entertained them, as he later said, about 5 people always communicate with him at the same time. That girl was one of the potential ones. I didn’t hide the fact that I found out about the walk. He didn’t deny it either, he simply said, “I’m sorry, yes, it happened that way, it’s better for us to remain friends.” That's it, a blow to the head. What was I supposed to do? I told him that I would survive his action, although it was sad and I was disoriented, but since that’s what he wanted...

We didn't communicate at all at work for the next week. I tried not to bump into him, we didn’t greet each other or look into each other’s eyes. I was sad, just recently I was tormented by a divorce, I had so many worries, and then there was such a turn. I wanted to forget this story as quickly as possible. But walking around the office, constantly crossing paths and not even saying hello - it was difficult. As a result, I wrote to him suggesting some kind of truce. Start saying hello and stop pretending that we are invisible. He readily agreed and noted that he did not want to disturb me, seeing that I was not in the mood for communication, and he himself wanted to communicate further. As friends.

No sooner said than done. Less than a week had passed before I began to feel in my skin that we wouldn’t make friends. It all started innocently, rare messages from him on Facebook, then more often, humorous conversations in the office, he gave me his hand a couple of times, helped me carry something, held a door somewhere, stood next to me, supported me by the elbow “by accident” . And away we go - she was sad - he came up and stroked her head. I didn't know how to react. My body desperately wanted his touch, but I remembered what situation separated us. I sensed the danger of being engulfed in flames again. And so it happened.

We were riding in the elevator and he suddenly kissed me. I answered him in fright, and when I came to my senses, I asked - what was that?? For what? He admitted that he couldn’t help himself because pictures of our “solitudes” haunt him every time he looks at me. Thus, our relationship was renewed"

The relationship resumed, but soon things got worse.

Now he snapped harder and cheated openly. And further - downhill.

Look, the author calls the beautiful word “rudder” the fact that she pestered the man herself and climbed onto him. The steering wheel in the hands of a woman is when a man adores her and wants her so much that she controls the situation, and he is like plasticine. But when a man simply doesn’t care, is lazy, doesn’t want to waste energy, and the woman herself lays down and pleases, this is not a RUDDER! He has a steering wheel, not even a steering wheel, but a remote control! Call your addiction the right word. You are in a subordinate, weak-willed position. You are not driving, you are not in control of the situation. Don’t lie to yourself for a single minute.

The guy immediately became a plus, he immediately made it clear that sex with her was indifferent to him, but no, the author decided to believe that this was due to the long absence of a relationship, but of course he is in love and the pleasure is mutual. How else? She agreed to a little, then to even less, then to more. The position became more and more uncomfortable, the plinth put more and more pressure on her shoulders, but that’s okay, she still tried.

Despite the fact that this man initially attracted her with his gentleness and politeness, he soon became irritated and rudely sent her away, but she put up with nothing. And she climbed again. In the end, he cheated on her, and when she bluntly suggested that he forget it all, he sent her to the distant friend zone.

Don't fool yourself. While you are lying prone, you have no chance of a relationship! None. Only chances for humiliation. Which means more and more disgust is a plus.

3. “The proposal was accepted with a bang!”

“In general, my tossing (“I like it, but I can’t be with you”) took several months, and during these months I fucked Oleg’s brain like no one else, I said things like “Maxim, the love of my life” and “with you I lost myself". Thinking back now, it was as if I was deliberately making him emotional.

After that unsuccessful sex, I “returned” to Maxim, who was satisfied with the state of affairs “sex for friendship once every few months”; I seemed to be satisfied with it myself, because I hoped that he would come to his senses, we have a connection (I’m still practically his the only friend).

Oleg then began, as he said, to kill his feelings. He began to move away and change. There was a sweet home boy, he became not so sweet anymore, with work, plans, lack of time. We rarely talked and saw each other, it was better for him.

At some point, 9 months after our last sex, I suddenly decide why not try again. The proposal was accepted with a bang, but everything came to naught by mutual consent.

Another two months have passed, I decide that I can develop independently from Maxim, and I am actually dumbfounded by the thought: “the faithful person has been there all this time, and this is Oleg.” Now Oleg no longer trusted me, there was ignorance on his part, an offer only to be friends and “I don’t have time.” But we started dating, slowly and carefully. Then we separated for a day, I convinced them to continue.

I became more and more absorbed, and began to worry about rare meetings. After a while they broke up again, in his words: “I like you, but I can’t date you, you blow my mind, and in general this is affection”

Was the proposal accepted with a bang? Oh well.

Here the author was let down by the fact that Oleg liked her before. But he had already cooled down a long time ago: because of her strange behavior, because of her return to her ex-boyfriend, because of something else, it doesn’t matter, but he had cooled down, and she decided to go on the offensive.

He asks to meet less often, she agrees, but is drawn out, he moves away more, she obediently waits and rejoices at the handouts, he wants to break up, she persuades him to continue, on the principle of at least squeezing a crumb from the master’s table. And again, the hope is that by collecting the crumbs like this, you will be able to assemble the pie. Will not work.

Very often, a plus, which was previously a minus, explains its cooling by the fact that it “began to kill feelings,” that is, it did not want to suffer and therefore stopped loving. There is no need to cling to this. Who cares? Even if this is true, it doesn't change anything. The important thing is that he has NO feelings. If you once had hair on your head, and then you went completely bald, it’s not a fact that it will grow back, right? They were there and left. Why is it that many people consider the fact that he once had feelings as proof that they will return? The chances are no greater than if they had never existed.

And absolutely, humiliation and consent to stand in a pitiful position, and the expectation of mercy will not evoke any feelings in a person.

Is it difficult to leave? It will be easier for you to leave if you realize how much more dangerous, scary, disgusting and ineffective it is to humiliate yourself and bend over and over again. They caved in once(!) and that’s it, that’s enough, go away, that’s quite enough. And it’s better not to bend at all, to be honest. Saying your love (without repeating it many times) is beautiful. Humiliation is ugly.

I decided to get acquainted with the theory of Evolution for the same reason that I had read Castaneda with his “Teachings of Don Juan”, Aushra Augustinavichiute and her fundamental socionic work “The Dual Nature of Man” and a number of other (pseudo)psychological and (schizo)teric works. I find it interesting to read about how different authors try to classify and understand the nature of the human soul. To do this, they use very original means at hand: from studying “information metabolism” to consuming peyote and other hallucinogenic succulents.

The theoretical basis of psychoalchemy consists of 3 main superideas:

1. Every person has a so-called a circle of resources, which is described by a system of 12 houses, in which each house corresponds to a separate sphere of human life;


2. resources are what gives a person the energy to live. The production of human energy is not limited to the exchange of chemical substances, it is closely related to emotional and information exchange;


3. and finally, the statement that using the methods of psychoalchemy, each person can change (balance) their energy system.

Attention, question!

Can you confirm or refute at least one of these postulates? For example, I don't see any objective evidence that there are exactly 12 houses in the resource circle (if it exists at all). Emotional and information exchange also seem to me to be somewhat more complex processes than Ms. Evolution describes them. And finally, the statement that there is a certain universal technique (psychoalchemy) that can help balance any energy system of any person seems to me very, very controversial in this contest.

In order for you to understand me better, I need to make several important reservations.

1. I am not against expressing super ideas as such. Mathematics, for example, also has its own superideas - they are called axioms. I am against it when a person propagates his super ideas among a wide range of readers, claiming that his approach is unified.

2. I am not against the use of various archetypes in psychology and psychotherapy (for example, the Greek Goddesses archetypes so popular among stylists) and other mythical creatures. I am for the use of these archetypes to be at least somehow justified. For example, we tested 100 representatives of archetypes A and B. And we found out that... And even better, 10 psychoalchemy experts independently determined the archetypes of the same person. The results of the study showed that there are as many experts as there are archetypes.

Criticism

The Evolution blog is riddled from top to bottom with theses that can neither be confirmed nor refuted (about resources, for example). The author honestly states that her blog is not about psychology, it is about psycho-alchemy, whoever doesn’t like it, let him get lost. I don’t like the approach of Evolution as a whole, I don’t like the fact that in its reasoning it always starts from its superideas. Including in matters of image (with one single exception, which will be discussed below).

In his texts, the author shamelessly reduces philosophy, psychology, the notorious neuro-linguistic programming (namely the NLP term “tuning”) and his personal, in my opinion, rather misanthropic beliefs regarding the structure of the human soul. The result is a pseudoscientific potpourri that an ignorant reader, seeing the names of Aristotle, Freud and other famous personalities, may take at face value.

And finally, I stopped reading the Evolution blog when I caught myself thinking that I personally would not want to become part of her theory, because there is something vile and unnatural in such a thorough and cynical dissection of the human personality that she is engaged in. This is why I oppose the propaganda of her blog, even though there are some interesting ideas there.

Despite the criticism of psychoalchemy, Evolution still has interesting ideas and blog posts. For example, I think this post about fashion, style and a girl from the village is quite sensible. If you want, you can continue the list of evolutionary posts that are interesting to you personally in the comments.

That's all for me about the psychoalchemist of all LJ. And I hope that I never have to return to this topic again.

“Women consider DMS to be a normal man, they tend to see DMS in everyone who is not DMO...”

This is a quote from a respected Evolution psychologist, whose tests are so massively popular on LiveJournal.

I confess, I don’t read them. I don't have much sense for them. And strength.
And I couldn’t get through this text about the BOTTOM, ugh, about the DMO: too many deep thoughts, I’m afraid to swim beyond the buoys and drown.

A! The text is called, if anyone is interested, “Classification of Married Couples.”
But I am sure that the best classification is from Leo Tolstoy: he divided all families into happy and unhappy. And this is such a piercing truth that you can’t even add anything.

Probably, people, by and large, are divided only into happy and unhappy. Of course, daily, every minute happiness is impossible. And yet I know people who are very happy. Their main feature is kindness.
There is no happiness without kindness.

I wonder if the psychologist Evolution herself is happy in her own life? She knows so much about how to get out of a deep “minus” into a full-fledged “plus”.
Although the plus looks very much like a cross, right? Such a life cross of different hardships.
Or maybe it’s just two unfortunate lonely minuses who began to live together, and suddenly they turned out to be a plus: children, grandchildren and many other things so simple, but very beautiful?

Everyone, in short, has their own life cross; Evolution has its readers.

There were only a dozen or two of them, she carefully chose them from many, but it turned out that there were fish for lack of fish and cancer. However, living among crayfish - ugh, what disgusting!

And it immediately becomes clear that the air kiss on the author’s ava means “come on, goodbye!” Such a farewell kiss.

Eh, where do we get so many people who manically look everywhere for their personal tyrant and despot? They even look for it on LiveJournal! And successfully, I must say, they find it :)

Tyrant - translated from Greek as “sole ruler”
Despot - Greek δεσπότης - master, lord, lord, sovereign.

APD: Well done Evolution. We all have local excesses, but not everyone is ready to change. But Evolution, having read from me that it is not very kind to readers, changed its strategy and tactics. And now she’s very kind. She probably loved her admirers before, those who revere her, she just didn’t know how to tell them about it :)

One day, one of my friends somewhere mentioned the name of Marina Komissarova, an outrageous blogger who positions herself as an online psychologist. I became curious why she was so widely read, and I went to her blog to inquire. I opened the first post I came across and at some point I wanted to insert my two cents of thoughts, but that was not the case. Impersonal letters informed me that I was prohibited from commenting, by decision of the owner of the magazine. Hm strange. I saw this for the first time. I went to look at the evo_lution profile, and in it I already read the introductory post with the established rules and requirements. That is, you can comment in her diary-magazine only if she herself adds me to her list of friends.

I don’t like this way of putting the question in principle, so I immediately abandoned the idea of ​​adapting to such authoritarian rules and making friends, I just continued reading Marina Komissarova’s blog, or Evolution, so that I could have my own personal idea and opinion.

1. Sharp mind. And, in my opinion, very unfeminine thinking. While all of her terminology was new to me, I read more and more to understand where the cherry is buried and what it tastes like. Tenacious logic fascinates and pulls you along. I want to read more and more. But I’m only talking about those posts where she lays out her thoughts on some chosen topic. I don't mean parsing other people's letters.

2. A sobering look it’s like looking at things from scratch. She says what we cannot say to ourselves or are afraid. Most often, we really don’t see things that are obvious to an outsider. We are too involved in some kind of relationship and come up with our own motives for the actions of other people. Of course, most often they are in our favor, we can’t do wrong! And here Evolution is trying its best to show us what idiots we are with crowns, who consider other people to be gnomes in caps. Personally, such sobering up is useful for me. Especially during a period when there are no difficult relationships with anyone. There are no martyrdom questions on this topic and the perception of such “evolutionary” sobering is quite balanced. Well, that is, I didn’t want to dig Evolution out of the ground and throw something nasty at its head in revenge, there’s no anger, there’s no particular indignation either. I'm just observing.

3. Energy force, which Marina hates to talk about, can clearly be traced from her pressure, every second control over the situation. She does not tolerate human weakness. In any case, in the virtual world created by her, very closed and very highly filtered. I had a question as I continued to do some selective reading. And for whom did she create this online consulting world? Who does it bring joy and satisfaction to? Who wants to stay there for a long time?

I also noticed that all consulting, in fact, comes down to several points.

1) Do not approach others with your tongs if you see that for you the borders are not too open or are completely closed. Don't waste your territory. 2) If you see that a person is clinging to you, do not think that you are some kind of king or queen, because in fact (!) they want to use you for something that you do not see. 3) Do not think out his thoughts for another and do not explain his actions as if he were you. There is no need to be a bloodhound in someone else's head. 4) If you are a navigator, then be the right navigator, do not force others to do what you want. Don't push others with your initiatives. Don't pinch him and end up turning yourself into a beggar. 5) There is no need to waste energy in active actions outside your field, outside your borders, since this can be a pure loss if your activity was needed only by you alone.

Points could have been added, but that was not my goal. I just mentioned the most important ones that remain very vivid in my memory. I support the above recommendations with all my hands and feet. I did not have and do not have any questions for them.

I only had one question when I started reading other people’s stories, provided by the participants in this virtual massacre themselves. Boys and girls (usually girls) put their heads on the chopping block, and Marina Komissarova, nicknamed evo_lutio, happily throws sharply sharpened knives on top of them, capable of shredding even a mammoth. My head asked: “What’s wrong with this? What's wrong here? I read and found complete agreement with many of the theses and principles, but the feeling grew more and more that there was “something unclean” here. I smelled some kind of catch. And I realized what the catch was.

evo_lutio with each of his posts brings into a cage created by himself, colossal contradictions. The most important thing is that she preaches one thing and demonstrates another. More precisely, there are some things that do not contribute to the learning of lambs due to not following their own theory. And he nervously slaps people over the heads because practically no one studies with dignity and does not pass exams with straight A’s. Everyone is stupid, with a few exceptions.

For example, evo_lutio shouts indignantly at every convenient and inconvenient occasion that you need to be able to be navigators without bugs. And she wrote hundred thousand times about how it is. In words, in theory it is simple and clear. Why doesn't anyone study? Yes because I myself evo_lutio is not a model of a bug-free navigator.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the best way to teach something is to show HOW to do it. When my grandmother taught me how to cook borscht, she put me at the stove and showed me how she did it, how and at what point she cut the cabbage so that it would remain crispy later.

Psychologist evo_lutio knows that she is a navigator. Her navigation is manifested in the fact that she steers every minute only where she wants. I don’t know if she considers herself an impeccable navigator, but I see that there are weaknesses in this navigation. And not just one.

1) Yes, she knows very well that she whips everyone she doesn’t like even in the smallest detail. The scaffold is a public place, there’s no hiding it. And it’s also impossible to hide the fact that she doesn’t think it’s her bug. For one important reason - people set themselves up and want to be whipped. And if so, it means she didn’t violate anyone’s boundaries. “I’m innocent, he came himself.” It feels like she's proud of her cynicism. In this first point, I consider the bug to be that it actually invades people’s boundaries, their personal and even intimate space. And the fact that they allow her to do this by opening their gates voluntarily does not relieve Marina from responsibility for the immorality and unenvironmental friendliness of her actions. Publicly humiliating someone who expected advice and healthy criticism from you is not strength at all. This is weakness. Irritability, arrogance, cynicism are weaknesses. But I saw even contempt in the posts, not just cynicism. When we come to visit someone, we behave like guests if we are cultured people. Evolution enters the boundaries of its readers not as a guest, not as a teacher, not as a psychologist, but as one who trains his vanity on the “easy material” - those who himself approached, who himself opened the door, who himself asked for advice.

I agree that the vast majority of criticisms of evo_lution are essentially correct. That is, she, like the Nutcracker, clicks everyone easily and quickly. But what I consider unacceptable for a psychologist is the emotional and sensory background with which information is transmitted. Her criticism is merciless, saturated with mockery and poisonous speech. This is precisely aggression directed towards the field of other people. Despite the fact that many, after Marina’s “advice,” receive a huge charge of indignation and protest and spread them to different places on the Internet, criticizing Marina, new ones come and expose themselves to her again and again. The queue is not decreasing. Everyone who writes to her is eager to be published with their stories, which they consider extremely important and worthy of public consideration. Paradox. But I can call what readers do a paradox. What Marina, who knows all these “paradoxes” in advance, does, I can no longer call a paradox. She methodically waits for new victims and attacks them to the fullest. Or not entirely, it obviously depends on her own condition. And then I ask: what kind of thrill does she get from this? Why is she reeling from the sight of the heads she has knocked down? What joy does she get in this narrow cage? After all, she knows everything in advance, predictability is obvious. And not only because boys and girls are predictable, but because she herself builds her bricks the way only she wants. And she considers it possible to walk over people’s heads if she doesn’t like those heads. Doesn’t she feel like God at the same time? Who is not responsible for anything. It turns out something like this: I didn’t do anything wrong, I just stabbed the one who brought me the knife.

2) There is one, most significant feature that I highlight as the main one. evo_lution imbues her posts with an energy that conveys the lack of happiness in her life. Only an unhappy person can spit in the face, whip, grin, etc. so poisonously and harshly. If only some posts were so bilious, I would not have made such a conclusion. But ALL her posts are like this. In her essentially correct theses there is no love, no happiness, no warmth. A happy and satisfied person speaks differently, addresses people differently. He criticizes and closes his boundaries in a different way.

And one moment. Marina can't stand weaklings who come to her to beg. But then it turns out that she deliberately continues to support such a platform, where she obviously goes to get what makes her sick. What do you call this? Doesn't she also become a beggar in this case? Only very veiled. However, she can simply make money from this. And this may be the main reason.

Everything written above leads me to one conclusion. Marina Komissarova, aka evo_lutio, is just a blogger, of which there are many. She doesn't leave me feeling like her criticism is constructive. There is no kindness in her criticism. When there is no kindness, you cannot tell a person any truth, even if it is the truest and most faithful. To learn how to build a relationship with a man, you need to seek advice from the woman who has built a happy and strong relationship with a man. To learn to build a relationship with a woman, you need to go to the man who is happy and has a satisfied woman next to him. To learn to be successful, you need to learn from the successful. It's a simple principle, right?

This question itself - how to quickly improve your life - is voluminous and very individual. But I found one solution that can definitely help any person if he is able to read and think about what is happening in his life.

— If you are in an energy hole, you have no strength for anything
- If you are not happy with your relationship with the opposite sex (husband, girlfriend, it doesn’t work out with anyone) and you want happiness in your personal life
- If you sometimes feel like you are being used and you are not living your life
— If you get tired of yourself and your person
— If you have questions about men, women, love, sex, relatives, psychological vampires, helping other people and a variety of other topics
- If you have any questions, grievances towards your parents, if it seems to you that life or certain people are not fair to you
- If your friends give you advice, but you brush them off because you don’t care about anything right now
- If you want to become a super-person - with a balanced personal life, so that there is order in work and hobbies, a lot of strength and energy, friends and in general everything is good and everything is going well, and goals themselves come true

Definitely the find of the century for me is the “Evolution” blog from the absolutely brilliant psychologist Marina Komissarova.

This is the best, most brain-clearing and most practical guide to action that I have ever read on the topics of self-development and personal relationships.

This, by the way, turns out to be one of the top blogs in LiveJournal, which constantly reaches the very top.

Well, in general, look at her tag cloud there.

What’s amazing is that she writes almost every day, sometimes several articles or analysis of letters. If you don't have a LiveJournal account, register and subscribe to receive announcements of her recordings by mail. Yes, it takes a lot of time to read) But a lot of energy in life is also released from increased awareness and changes. That's why everything is balanced and improved.

She writes very succinctly. Sometimes you have to read slowly and several times to understand. But it's worth it.

And at the beginning of 2017, her first and so far only book, “Love. Secrets of defrosting" in online format.

This is a completely unique, very valuable and structured material. Unlike her blog, where there are already more than 2000 articles and it is very difficult to find basic articles, here everything is set very clearly and puts the system in your head well.

Description of the book

Marina Komissarova is a psychologist with 20 years of experience, a famous journalist, blogger evo_lutio - the author of the most popular blog about psychology in Runet, the creator of a unique system of personality change - Psychoalchemy. The audience of the evo_lutio blog—hundreds of thousands of people—is growing daily, the blog is being translated into other languages, and the method is receiving great interest due to its effectiveness.

The system claims to be a full-scale discovery in the field of scientific psychology, but is described in the book in accessible, lively language.

The first book in the “Psychoalchemy” series is dedicated to unfreezing and pumping up the love resource. Thanks to the approach described in the book, hundreds of people managed to get out of a crisis in their personal lives.

Psychoalchemy is a synthesis of modern knowledge about psychology and the secrets of alchemists who melted themselves to increase energy resources.

Contents of the book by Marina Komissarova (Evolution) “Love. Secrets of defrosting"

Part 1 Making love

Chapter 1.1. Plus and minus
Chapter 1.2. Psychological field
Chapter 1.3. Growth of a figure in a field
Chapter 1.4. Magic fishing
Chapter 1.5. Tools for working in the field
Hooks
Balls
Peaks and feed

Part 2 Basics of psychoalchemy

Chapter 2.1. Power and alchemy
Chapter 2.2. Circle of resources
Chapter 2.3. Upgrading resources
Chapter 2.4. Circle of Ego
Chapter 2.5. Scylla and Charybdis

Part 3 Freezing

Chapter 3.1. Self-sufficiency
Chapter 3.2. Love apathy
Chapter 3.3. Crown of celibacy
Chapter 3.4. Types of crowns
1. Crown
2. Niqab
3. Bonnet
4. Helmet
5. Halo
Chapter 3.5. Women's freeze
Young lady with a book
Lady with a dog
Woman with cats
Chapter 3.6. Men's freeze
Dreamer
Casanova-with-gills
The wise minnow

Part 4 Unfreezing men

Chapter 4.1. Onegins and Pechorins
Chapter 4.2. Casanova
Chapter 4.3. Defrosting the Onegins
Chapter 4.4. Defrosting pechorins and cauldrons
Chapter 4.5. Passing the Onega rapids
Roll
Threshold
water hole
Shivera
Zaval
Dam
Chapter 4.6. Marriage to Onegin
Chapter 4.7. Signs of defrosting

Part 5 Defrosting women

Chapter 5.1. Rapunzel, Cinderella and Snow White
Rapunzel
Cinderella
Snow White
Chapter 5.2. Nine love scenarios
Rapunzel + Onegin = sex in the brain
Rapunzel + Pechorin = broken heart
Rapunzel + Casanova = game on nerves
Cinderella + Onegin = fatal love
Cinderella + Pechorin = mortal combat
Cinderella + Casanova = terrible revenge
Snow White + Onegin = indecent story
Snow White + Pechorin = invitation to execution
Snow White + Casanova = sweet torture
Chapter 5.3. The main rule of defrosting
Positive reinforcement
Negative reinforcement
Chapter 5.4. Rapunzel Towers
Chapter 5.5. Brain blowout protection
Three types of forceps
Pressure points
1. Getting your brain ahead of the curve
2. Ideal behavior
3. Counterattack + ball
Chapter 5.6. Rapunzel bugs
Bug No. 1. Hut
Bug No. 2. Reverse capture
Bug No. 3. Swing
Bug No. 4. Tongs and rolling pins
Chapter 5.7. Main defrosting tool

Part 6 Self-defrosting

Chapter 6.1. Sticky Borders
Chapter 6.2. Bugs of sticky people
1. Self-esteem bug
2. Locus of control bug
Chapter 6.3. Modesty
Chapter 6.4. Ego Settings
Chapter 6.5. Crowns
Crown with one prong
Crown with two prongs
Crown with three prongs
Chapter 6.6. The secret of charm
Chapter 6.7. Ecology of fishing

BALL THROWS RULES

Rule No. 1. Exchange of balls
Rule No. 2. Quality of balls
Rule No. 3. Spontaneity of balls
Rule No. 4 Distance when there is an excess of balls
Rule No. 5 Balls, not soap bubbles
Rule #6 Avoiding Imbalance

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